Izizathu Ezi-4 Zobungane Obulahlekile

-Delile

• Amaphuzu abalulekile
• Ukubukisisa Isizathu Sokuba Silahle Ubungane
• Amaphethini alimazayo ahlala engabekezeleleki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
• Imibono eyehlukene nemibono yomhlaba - kwezepolitiki noma okunye
• Ukuziphatha kugxile kokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo noma ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo
• Imigwaqo yakho iyahluka empilweni
• Okufanele ukwenze lapho umngane eba isihambi

Amaphuzu abalulekile

• Ubungani bungalahleka ngenxa yokungezwani, ukwehluka kwendlela yokuphila, imikhuba engokomzwelo noma yobuntu noma ukunganaki.
• Ukonga ubungane kungasho ukufinyelela, ukuxolisa, ukusebenzisana esinqumweni noma ukuvumelana ngezinguquko ebudlelwaneni.
• Noma umngane engasekho unomphela, kunento eyodwa ongayenza: Khetha ukuthi ububheka kanjani ubungane obulahlekile.
• Ukubonga ngalokho owabelane ngakho futhi wakufunda ebunganeni kunokuba ubheke emuva ngomunyu kungenza ngisho nobungane obulahlekile baba yisibusiso empilweni yakho.

Ubuhlungu bomyalezo obhalwe yikhasimende lami babungabonakala: “Umngani wami omkhulu ungitshele ukuthi nginobuthi futhi akafuni lutho oluzongihlanganisa nami! Le yinto embi kakhulu ukwenzeka onyakeni omubi kunayo yonke yokuphila kwami! ”

Ngidonse umoya. Lokhu kwakukubi kakhulu. UTracy ubengabangane abakhulu noJen iminyaka engama-23 - kusukela ngonyaka wabo wokuqala ekolishi. Noma babehlala ezifundeni ezahlukahlukene futhi benempilo ehluke kakhulu, babekhuluma nocingo nsuku zonke, kwesinye isikhathi kaningi ngosuku. UJen wayengumthombo oyinhloko wokusekelwa kukaTracy empilweni yakhe.

Yini eyayingahamba kabi kangaka?

Lapho sihlangana esimisweni sethu esilandelayo, ngathola umkhondo: Ethukuthele futhi ngenye indumalo yothando, uTracy wayebize umngani wakhe ezokhononda ngokuthi indawo yonke yayakha uzungu lokumenza ahlupheke futhi amgcine enesizungu. UJen uzame ukumqinisekisa, UTracy waphendulela intukuthelo yakhe kuJen, ememeza ngezikhathi uJen ayemdumaze ngazo ngokungavumelani nezimfuno ezingezona ezedlule esikhathini esedlule. Ethukuthele futhi evikela, uJen wayemtshele ukuthi wayenobuthi futhi wayengeke esakwazi ukuba ngumngane wakhe.

Ukubukisisa Isizathu Sokuba Silahle Ubungane

Sonke silahlekelwe ubungane - imvamisa bungaphansi kakhulu - ngezizathu ezahlukahlukene:

Amaphethini alimazayo ahlala engabekezeleleki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi

Mhlawumbe uke waba nomngani onjengoTracy ofona kaningi ngosuku uma usemsebenzini noma uzama ukwehlisela ingane isihlwathi futhi uthukuthele ngokuthi awukwazi ukulahla konke ukumlalela. Noma mhlawumbe umngane wakho unomkhuba wokwenza amahlaya noma ukuphawula okuhlabayo ngezindleko zakho - okwakubekezeleleka lapho usemncane, kepha manje akusenjalo. Noma mhlawumbe umngani ulindele ukuthi ulalele ngokucophelela idrama yakamuva yempilo yakhe nganoma yiliphi ihora emini noma ebusuku - kepha akaze azihluphe ngokubuza ukuthi unjani.

"Ngaqala ukubona, ngemuva kweminyaka ecela eshumini yobungani noLucy ukuthi ubudlelwano bethu babungalingani ngempela," kusho iklayenti lami uMegan kungekudala. “Ngangizama njalo ukumsiza ngezikhathi ezijabulisayo nezikhathi ezinzima, kodwa wayengavamile ukungisiza lapho ngimdinga. Njengoba ngiqale ukuzizwa ngingcono ngami, ngizizwa ngifanelwe okungaphezulu. Ngifuna ukulingana ebunganeni. Lokho bekungenzeki noLucy. Ngamtshela indlela engangizizwa ngayo. Wayengaboni nje ukuthi izinto ezisemaceleni ziye zaba kanjani. Ngakho-ke ngaqala ukusuka. Angikaziphenduli izingcingo zakhe futhi ngithatha isikhathi sami ukuphendula imibhalo. Sekuphele izinyanga ezimbalwa singabonani. Kuyadabukisa, kodwa kubonakala kunesidingo kimi. "

Imibono eyehlukene nemibono yomhlaba - kwezepolitiki noma okunye

Ukwehlukana kwamanje kwezepolitiki bekunzima kubo bonke ubudlelwano - abangane phakathi kwabo. Abanye abantu abakwazile ukubhekana nobudlelwano bezepolitiki obuhlukile bazithole behlukanisiwe ngemibono eyehlukene ye-COVID-19 nezindlela zokuphepha - ukufihla noma ukungazifihli, ukugoma noma cha. Ngesikhathi sokuqwashisa okubuhlungu kwenzondo yobuhlanga nokubandlululwa, imibono eyehlukene kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo kungadala ubungane bube buthaka futhi buphele.

"Ngibe ngumngani noJon iminyaka emine selokhu sasebenza ndawonye e-internship ngesikhathi sekolishi," iklayenti lami uClaire, ongowase-Asia-American, wangitshela ngolunye usuku. “Kodwa akananhloso ngamabomu nokucwasa abantu abanebala elimhlophe ababhekana nazo nsuku zonke - ngisho nalabo bethu abasemiphakathini okuthiwa 'bayingcosana' emiphakathini. Ungitshele ukuthi nginempilo enhle futhi akukho engizokhala ngakho. Angicabangi ukuthi ngifuna ukuzihlupha ngokwabelana nobuthakathaka bami naye - izikhathi eziningi engilimazeke ngazo - noma ukukhathazeka kwami ​​ngabanye abangabanga nenhlanhla njengami futhi izimpilo zabo ezithinteke kabi, zaze zaphazamiseka , ngobuhlanga. Uhlekisa ngomqondo welungelo labesilisa abamhlophe. Ngokuzimisela? Asikwazi ukuba nengxoxo enengqondo futhi, uma ngikhuluma iqiniso, angisafuni ukuzama. ”

Ukuziphatha kugxile kokuhlangenwe nakho kwempilo noma ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo

Labo abanokuphazamiseka kobuntu emingceleni ngokuvamile banobungani obungazinzile - ukuqhuma ngentukuthelo ngezinkinga ezibonakala zincane kwabanye, ukusika abangane ezimpilweni zabo lapho kuqala uphawu lokungqubuzana noma ukungavumelani, bechaza umuntu omjwayele ngokuthi “umngane wami omusha.” Futhi kunabantu abaningi abangenaso lesi sifo kodwa, noma kunjalo, bangathola ubungani buqhela njalo.

“Ngithambekele kulokho, kuyadabukisa ukusho,” kusho umngani wami uBen. “Ngicabanga ukuthi iqhamuka ngisemncane. Sasihamba sonke isikhathi. Ngangihlale ngiyingane entsha esikoleni. Kwesinye isikhathi ngangithathwa, kwesinye isikhathi nginganakwa. Futhi ngivame ukuzithola ngilahla abanye abantu noma ngimane ngivumele ubungani noma ithuba lokuba nobungane linyamalale ngoba bengihlale ngesaba ukushiywa umuntu engimkhathalelayo. Kungcono uhambe kuqala. Akudingeki ukuthi kushiwo, akuyona into engenze ngajabula kuyo yonke le minyaka. "

Imigwaqo yakho iyahluka empilweni

Ubungani bungaba lula esikoleni nasebudaleni kodwa bungabhekana nezinselelo lapho imigwaqo yehlukana: omunye umngane ushada futhi unezingane ezincane, omunye akashadile futhi ugxile emsebenzini; ukudluliswa kwemisebenzi, umlingani othandana naye umngani wakho omkhulu amthola engakufanele, noma ukunganakwa okulula ngenxa yokuba matasatasa kwempilo okwenzekayo kungadala ukuthi abangane bahlukane. Izingcingo zansuku zonke noma imibhalo, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ingancipha ibe amanothi amafushane ekhadi likaKhisimusi ... noma ukuthula kancane.

Ibanga elikhulayo phakathi kwakho nomngani lingaba buhlungu, noma kungekho drama noma ukungaboni ngaso linye okusobala.

Okufanele ukwenze lapho umngane eba isihambi

Uma ufuna ukuzama ukugcina ubungani, yisikhathi sokuxoxa. Lokhu kungasho ukufinyelela kuqala, uxolise kuqala ngengxenye yakho ebudlelwaneni engasebenzi, nokuveza isifiso sakho sokuxazulula ukungezwani kwenu.

Kungasho ukukhombisa ukuthi unakekela ngezinye izindlela: ukuthumela umngani wakho ikhadi ukumazisa ukuthi uphuthelwe ubungane owake wabelana ngabo noma ukukhumbula usuku lokuzalwa noma usuku olukhethekile. Noma ukuthumela umbhalo ohlolayo noma ukushaya ucingo okungenza umehluko.

Ukutakula ubungani kungasho nokushintsha uhlobo lobungani. Mhlawumbe anenzi kahle ndawonye njengabangane abaseduze kepha nikwazi ukuphatha kahle ubungane obungajwayelekile. Nginomngane othandekayo webanga elide engingakwazi ukubekezelela ukukhuluma naye ocingweni - izitayela zethu zokuxhumana zehluke kakhulu - kepha sixhuma kahle ngokubhala nokuthumela imiyalezo. Angimcabangi ukuthi akekho empilweni yami, kepha, okungenani okwamanje, ngidinga ibanga elide kunangaphambili. Ngenhloso yokugcina ukuxhumana kwethu, uvumile imikhawulo.

Kunezikhathi, noma kunjalo, lapho kungenziwa lutho ukusindisa ubungane obufudumele obufudumele njengoba buya ngokuya emlandweni.

Kodwa-ke kukhona into eyodwa can yenza. Unenketho yokuthi ubukhumbula kanjani ubungane obulahlekile nokuthi uzosabela kanjani ekulahlekelweni. Ungathukuthela futhi ubaba. Noma ungabheka lokho okufundile ebunganeni nasekuqothulweni kwabo. Futhi, mhlawumbe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungazibona ngeso lokubonga.

Yileyondlela elinye iklayenti - uLuisa oneminyaka engu-19 ubudala, ongusomabhizinisi wasekolishi - elibheka ngayo ubungane bakhe obalahleka noTroy. "Besingabangani kusukela ngonyaka omncane esikoleni esiphakeme futhi besijabulela izikhathi eziningi ezimnandi ndawonye," uyakhumbula. "Ubungani bethu baba yinto enhle kimi ekutholeni ukuthi ukuba ngumngane womfana akunakwenzeka nje kuphela kepha kuyamangalisa! Ngangihlala nginamahloni phakathi kwabantu kuze kube yilapho ngazana noTroy. Kwathi-ke, ngasekupheleni konyaka wethu omkhulu, wayenentombi eyayingaqondi ukuthi singabangani nje. Ungitshele ukuthi ngeke sisakwazi ukuzihlalela. Ngakwemukela lokho. Ngaqonda. Kodwa ngakhala kakhulu ngasese, egumbini lami. Manje, uma ngibheka emuva, ngizwa ukubonga kuphela. UTroy wangisiza ukuba ngikhule ngokuzethemba. Unginikeze ubungane obukhetheke kakhulu ngesikhathi engibudinga kakhulu. Ungisize ngabona ukuthi nginamahlaya amahle nokuthi ngihlakaniphile futhi ngiwumngane omuhle. Futhi ngiyohlale ngikwazisa konke lokho nezikhathi ezimnandi esizihlanganyele nazo. ”

Akubona bonke ubungani obuhloselwe ukuhlala impilo yonke kepha ukubona ubungane - obuhlala njalo futhi obulahlekile - njengezibusiso ezimpilweni zethu kungenza umehluko omkhulu endleleni esizizwa ngayo ngabanye nangathi uqobo.Singafunda lukhulu ebunganeni obungapheli: ukuthola ukuqonda ngokuziphatha kwethu kanye nezinguquko esingathanda ukuzenza, kanye nokwazisa izinkumbulo zezikhathi ezimnandi ezedlule.