Izindlela Ezi-9 Zokuhlola Nokuthuthukisa Ukulawula Kwakho Ngokomzwelo

Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma "ulahlekelwa yikho," noma ngabe ngokweqiwa yintukuthelo, ukuhleka, noma ukukhathazeka, injabulo yakho nobudlelwano bakho buzohlupheka. Kulungile ukuthi izingane zivele zithukuthele ngokushesha lapho ingane yakini ithathela ithoyizi kubo, noma lapho intsha ithola icala lokugigitheka komngane Faux pas . Njengabantu abadala, kulindeleke ukuthi sibambe imizwa yethu, noma okungenani siyifihle, ukuze ingasenzi sibonakale siyiziwula, singavuthiwe, noma singathembeki.

Ucwaningo oluningi mayelana nomthethonqubo womzwelo luzama ukukhomba izinto ezinquma ukuthi ngubani okwazi ukwenza lokho nokuthi ngubani ongekho, kepha okuningi kuncike ekusetshenzisweni okungathenjwa kwezinsimbi zokuzibika. Njengoba sazi, abantu abakwazi ukunquma amandla nobuthakathaka babo lapho kungekho muntu oqinisekisa izimpendulo zabo. Akucaci futhi ohlwini lwemibuzo ukuthi ngabe abantu bakulungele kangako ukwenza lokho abathi bangakwenza. Isilinganiso esisha esuselwa enkulumweni somthethonqubo womzwelo sibhekana nemikhawulo yokuzibika futhi siphinde sinikeze izindlela ezingokoqobo zokusebenzisa lo mqondo obalulekile empilweni yakho.

Ngokuya ngesisekelo sokuthi ukuzibika kwabantu ngabanye akuyona indlela engcono yokuhlola umthethonqubo wabo womzwelo, uDaniel Lee nozakwabo base-Auburn University (2017) basungule enye indlela, abayibiza nge- "Semi-Structured Emotion Regulation Interview" (SERI ). Okuhloswe ukuthi kusetshenziswe odokotela, i-SERI iqukethe iqoqo lemibuzo abaphenduli abanikeza izilinganiso zabo ngabo. Ubuhle bale ndlela esuselwa enkulumweni ngukuthi abantu abakwazi ngaso sonke isikhathi ukubhala imizwa yabo ngokunembile, Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi bangahlangabezani nemizwa ngayinye ehlanganiswe kuhlu lwemibuzo lwenhloso yonke. Isibonelo, uma bengazizanga ngentukuthelo eyeqisayo muva nje, lapho-ke ngeke kufaneleke ukuba nemibuzo egxile ekulawuleni ulaka. Uma ukukhathazeka kungumzwelo ababhekiswe kuwo, obuzayo angashintshela kule ndawo yokubuza. Uhlu lwemibuzo belungeke lube nalokhu kuguquguquka. Ngokwengeziwe, ubunjalo obuhleliwe besilinganiso senhlolokhono kusho ukuthi kubuzwa imibuzo esezingeni elifanele kubantu abahlukahlukene, umbandela obalulekile wesilinganiso esiwusizo ngokwengqondo. Ababuzwa imibuzo baqeqeshelwe ukusebenzisa imibuzo elandelayo esebenzisa amagama afanayo kumuntu ngamunye, kunokuyidlala nje ngendlebe.

Ngokwe-SERI, lapho-ke, lapho abahlanganyeli sebekhombe umuzwa oqondiwe, obuzayo uzoqhubeka nokubabuza ngalezi zindlela eziyi-9 zokulawula imizwa. Bona ukuthi iziphi ovame ukuzisebenzisa:

1. Ukufuna usizo lomphakathi:Ukuphendukela kwabanye ukuqinisekiswa nemibono.

2. Ukuzelapha:Ukusebenzisa izinto noma utshwala ukuvimbela imizwa yomuntu.

3. Ukuzilimaza ngamabomu:Ukuzilimaza.

Ukwamukelwa:Ukuthatha isimo ngokunganaki.

5. Ukuhlola kabusha okuhle:Ukubheka uhlangothi olukhanyayo lwesimo esikhathazayo.

Ukucindezela okucacile: Ukuzama ukuqukatha imizwa yomuntu.

7. Ukukhanya:Ukudlulela ngapha nangapha engqondweni yesimo esivuse umuzwa.

8. Ukugwema ukuziphatha: Ukuhlala kude nesimo esigcwele imizwa.

9. Ukugwema ukuqonda: Ukuziqhelelanisa nemicabango ngesimo esigcwele imizwa.

Ngecebo ngalinye maqondana nomunye wemizwa yakho eqondisiwe, bonisa ukuthi ngabe uyisebenzisile ngenkathi uhlangabezana nomzwelo, ukuthi uvame kangaki nokuthi isu lelo libonakala lisebenza kuleso simo.

Isici esiyinhloko sentshisekelo kulezi zindlela zokulawulwa kwemizwelo ukuthi ziyasebenza ngempela yini. Ngokwencazelo, amanye amasu awasebenzi kahle kunamanye ekwehliseni umuzwa ozama ukuwulawula. Ukuqaqamba kuzomane kwandise intukuthelo, ukudabuka nokukhathazeka. Ukuzelapha nokuzilimaza ngokusobala kuyalimaza inhlalakahle yakho ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba. Ukugwema akusebenzi kakhulu uma kunenkinga okudingeka ubhekane nayo, kunokuba ucindezele ngaphansi.

Alikho isu lokulawulwa kwemizwelo elisebenza kakhulu, ngencazelo, uma linganciphisi amandla womzwelo obhekene nawo futhi likusize uzizwe ungcono. Kepha ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka kwemvelo kwamanye ala maqhinga, abantu ku-Lee et al. Ucwaningo lubike ukuzisebenzisa noma kunjalo. Ngokwengxenye, lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abantu abaqapheli ukuthi amasu ngokwawo anenkinga (njengokuzelapha), noma nje abakwazi ukubona noma ukwenza izindlela eziphumelela kakhulu. Abantu abaphendula le mibuzo kungenzeka bangabi namuntu abangahlanganyela naye izinkinga zabo, noma bangazi ukuthi bangahlanganyela kanjani enkambisweni yokubuyekeza kabusha. Kungabonakala kulula ukugwema izinto - ngokuziphatha noma ngokuqonda - kunokulwa nesimo esingahle sibe nokukhathazeka noma esisusa ulaka.

Ithimba eliholwa yi-Auburn University lenze imibono eminingi ethokozisayo ekuhloleni ikhono le-SERI lokuhambisana nezinye izindlela ezazisungulwe ngaphambili zokulawulwa kwemizwa. Okunye ukuthi abaphenduli bebengakwazi njalo qaphela lapho empeleni babenomuzwa ongemuhle. Ngemuva kokukhombisa ukuthi mhlawumbe basebenzisa enye yezindlela zokugwema ekuqaleni kwengxoxo, njengoba umhloli eqhubeka nokubuza, laba bantu bathole ukuqonda kokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo ngokomzwelo. Okwesibili, abaphenduli bebengakwazi ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwamasu wokulawula imizwa ahlobene, edinga ukuthi abaxoxisana nabo banikeze ukucaciswa okukhulu.

Ngoba ihlinzeka ukuhlolwa “okungahambi kahle” kokulawulwa kwemizwa kunokuzibika ngokwakho, ababhali bagcina ukuthi i-SERI iyindlela engcono yokuthola amasu abantu abawasebenzisayo empeleni lapho bezama ukubhekana nemizwa ebuhlungu kunombiko ojwayelekile wokuzibika. Lokhu kusikisela ukuthi lapho sifunda izifundo ezisuselwa ekuzibikeni, sizithatha ngosawoti omkhulu ngokwanele. Ukukwazi ukwamukela imizwa yakho bese uthola indlela oyiphatha ngayo kuyisinyathelo esikhulu ekuyilawuleni. Uma wazi ngokwanele ukuphendula isilinganiso sakho sokuzibika, khona-ke mhlawumbe unokuqonda okwanele kokwenza ukuphatha indlela ophatha ngayo le mizwa ebuhlungu.

Ngamafuphi, u-Lee et al. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ungazuza ngokuzibhekela ukuthi yimaphi amasu ayi-9 owasebenzisela imizwa yakho eyinkinga. Umthetho wesithupha ezincwadini zokubhekana nokuthi ayikho indlela “engcono” yokubhekana nengcindezi. Kodwa-ke, uma kukhulunywa ngokulawulwa kwemizwa, isu lakho lidinga ukusebenza okungenani likuvumela ukuthi ulawule imizwa yakho.

Ukugcwaliseka kwakho ngokomzwelo kuncike kokuhle okuvame ukwedlula okubi kusikimu esihle sempilo yakho yansuku zonke. Ukuthola amasu akusebenzela kulabo ababhalwe ku-SERI kungakusiza ukuthi udlulele kulowo mzila omuhle futhi owanelisayo wokuzichaza.

Imininingwane uSusan Krauss Whitbourne 2017