Ngaphandle Kokushada Nezingane: Izinyathelo Eziqavile Zokugubha

-Delile

• Ukwamukela Impilo Engayedwa, Hhayi Ukuyamukela Nje

Yini ebaluleke ngempela kuwe? Yiziphi izinhloso ozibekele zona ezisho lukhulu, ukuze kuthi lapho uzifeza, ulingeke ukuqoqa uzungeze bonke abantu ababalulekile empilweni yakho ukuzobungaza nawe?

E-U.S., Indawo ezizigqaja ngomqondo wayo wobuciko kanye nokwakha izinto ezintsha, imicabango yethu ikhawulelwe ngokumangazayo uma kukhulunywa ngokugubha izigaba ezinkulu zempilo yabantu abadala. Imishado — awu, yebo, abaseMelika bangenile. Lapho kunaba kakhulu, kuba ngcono. Futhi kuhle kakhulu uma kungokwesibili noma okwesithathu noma ngisho nokwesine uthembisa ukuthi uzoba lapho kuze kube sekufeni. Izingane, nazo. Kunezihlambi eziningi zezingane. Mhlawumbe iqembu lomhlalaphansi ngezikhathi ezithile.

Kodwa kunokuningi kakhulu kunokushada okwenza izimpilo zethu zibe nenjongo. Futhi kulabo bethu abangakaze bashade, noma abangakaze babe nezingane, imishado kanye nokugeza kwezingane abekho esithombeni nhlobo.

Ngaphambi kwalolu bhubhane, othile kuMphakathi Wabantu Abangashadile ubuze wathi, "Uma ubuzokwenza umcimbi osayizi womshado, wesitayela somshado ukukhumbula okuthile empilweni yakho, kungaba yini?" Ngicabanga ukuthi ngumbuzo okufanele uwucabangele noma ngabe awulona uhlobo lwephathi kanokusho noma uma ucabanga ukuthi kunezindlela ezingcono zokusebenzisa imali kunokuphonsa i-bash enkulu.

Kubalulekile ngoba ngicabanga ukuthi sonke kufanele sikuhloniphe okwenza impilo yethu ibe nenjongo kanye nezinhloso esizifezile. Noma singafuni ukuwagubha nephathi, kufanele sibazise abantu nezimbangela kanye nokufeziwe okusenza siziqhenye. Futhi ngicabanga ukuthi kubaluleke kakhulu ukubona zonke izindlela izimpilo zethu ezibaluleke ngazo ezingahlobene nokushada, impela ngoba imishado nokuhlangana sekuvele kunakwa kakhulu.

Nazi ezinye izimbangela zokugubha okukhulunywe ngazo kuMphakathi Wabantu Abangashadile, kanye nabambalwa abavela kwenye indawo.

1. Gubha ubungani.

Ngenkathi ngicwaninga Indlela Esiphila Ngayo Manje: Ukuchaza kabusha Ikhaya Nomndeni ngekhulu lama-21 , Ngaxoxa noKaren Hester futhi ngahlabeka umxhwele kakhulu ngaye. Nakhu okunye engikushilo ngaye encwadini yami:

Enye yezinto engiyithandayo ngoKaren ukwanga kwakhe okuvulekile kuhlomile kubo bonke abantu ababalulekile kuye. Akazilinganiseli ekugubheni kuphela labo bantu amasiko ethu abavuma ngokujwayelekile, njengemibhangqwana yothando. Ngesikhathi lapho abangane abaningi belandelana begubha ukuthi bahlanganiswe isikhathi esingakanani, uKaren wanquma ukugubha okunye — unyaka wakhe wamashumi amabili nanhlanu wokuhlala eCalifornia. (Wakhulela eLubbock, eTexas.) Wagcina iWest Point Inn yomlando esiqongweni seNtaba iTamalpais, cishe amamayela angamashumi amane enyakatho yeSan Francisco, futhi wamema udadewabo, umshana wakhe, nabangane bakhe abaseduze cishe abangamashumi amabili. "Asinayo imicikilisho yokugubha lobu bungane besikhathi eside noma ... ukuthi nje ngingubani." Imibhangqwana emibili yemigubho yayo yokugubha usuku lokuzalwa yashukumisela uKaren ukuba agubhe abantu ababalulekile nezinyathelo ezibalulekile empilweni yakhe selokhu bahlukana. Ubungane bukaKaren buhlala buqinile.

2. Gubha impumelelo yakho yobungcweti.

Ukuthola lowo msebenzi owukade ukufuna. Ukuthola ukukhushulwa. Ukuthola iziqu ze-master yakho. Ekugcineni uthola i-Ph.D yakho, ngemuva kwayo yonke leyo minyaka yokufunda nokubhala idisert. Ukuthola isikhundla. Okuhle kakhulu ngalezi zimpumelelo zobungcweti, nokunye okunjengazo, ukuthi akekho ongazisusa. Isiqu sakho se-bachelor asikwazi ukukuhlukanisa. Lapho utshala imali emfundweni yakho (uneziqu noma ungenazo iziqu) noma ekufundeni ikhono noma ubuciko obusha, lokho kufunda okuthuthukisiwe nombono obanzi yinto ongayigcina impilo yakho yonke.

3. Wonke umuntu uthola iphathi lapho eba neminyaka engama-25.

Umuntu oyedwa oye wacabanga okuningi ngezinye izindlela zomkhosi omkhulu womshado nguJaclyn Geller, uprofesa waseNgilandi nombhali we Lapha Kufika Umlobokazi: Abesifazane, Imishado, neMishado Mystique . Nasi isiphakamiso sakhe:

Ngiphakamisa ukuthi uma wonke umuntu eba neminyaka engama-25 athole iphathi. Umgubhi angabhalisela izimpahla zasendlini, ifenisha, ilineni. Kungenzeka abe nomkhosi ohilela ukuzibophezela kubantu ababalulekile, omunye wabo ongaba ngumthandi. Kodwa le mivuzo ebonakalayo ngeke ixhomeke ekutholeni "eyodwa." Ngeke kube khona lo mqondo wokuhlanya wokuzingela umyeni. Kuyashukumisa ukuthi isizukulwane esidala sifuna ukusiza isizukulwane esilandelayo ukuthi siqale empilweni, kepha ukubekela lokhu kusekelwa kulabo abasemibhangqwaneni enothando kuyadabukisa.

4. Gubha izinsuku zokuzalwa eziyingqophamlando.

Abangani ababili babe nephathi yokuzalwa engama-99 lapho omunye eba neminyaka engama-50 kanti omunye engu-49. UCathy Goodwin ugcizelele ukuthi usuku lwakhe lokuzalwa oluyingqophamlando luthokoziswe ngokucula kokuthi "Ngikwenze ngendlela yami" esikhundleni sokuthi "Usuku Lokuzalwa Olujabulisayo."

5. Bungaza indlu osanda kuyithenga, ukuthuthela kwakho endaweni entsha, usuku lapho ekugcineni usuqede uhambo lwakho lokuya “kuwo wonke amazwe azimele emhlabeni,” lapho "ukuthengiswa kwencwadi yakho sekufinyelele kumakhophi ayisigidi," noma impumelelo yezemidlalo noma yobuciko.

Lezi izibonelo ezimbalwa nje. Ngibheja ukuthi uneminye imibono yakho.

6. Uhamba usuka entweni enzima — bungaza lokho.

Uma impilo izamile ukukuchoboza futhi usamile, ufanele ukugujwa. Ngenkathi i-oncologist yakhe imemezela ukuthi umdlavuza wakhe usuthethelekile, elinye ilungu lomphakathi laba nomhlangano okhethekile wokubonga wabangani abahlanu ababekhona kulo lonke ukwelashwa kwakhe. Omunye umuntu wathi ngabe uziphonsa edivosini ngaleso sikhathi ukube unezinsizakusebenza. Omunye uthe uzobamba iphathi enkulu lapho ekhokha imali ayiboleka izitshudeni, noma ngabe ithatha aze abe neminyaka engama-75. Ngokushesha okukhulu, uKristin Noreen uthe, "Benginomlindo wemoto eyafa kanye. Ngiqhakaze isibhakela sikalamula vodka ngadlala nomculo womngcwabo. Bekunezimbali ezifile yonke indawo. "

7. Yonke into encane.

Amanye amalungu omphakathi aphakamise ukuthi imikhosi ihlelekile ngisho nezinto ezincane. Umuntu oyedwa usinxuse ukuthi size nezingqikithi ezingekho emthethweni nezizathu zokugubha. UJulie Harm uthe angathanda ukugubha inkomishi yakhe yekhofi eyisigidi, ukube nje uyazi ukuthi lokho kunini. Omunye umuntu uthe, "Ngizizwa sengathi ngisinda nje futhi ngiyesabeka nsuku zonke kufanele ukuhalaliselwa."

Ukwamukela Impilo Engayedwa, Hhayi Ukuyamukela Nje

Bengilokhu ngicabanga ngombuzo mayelana nezingqophamlando, noma ngabe wabuzwa okokuqala eminyakeni eminingana eyedlule, ngenxa yombuzo ohambisanayo umfundi avele wangibuza wona: “Kusho ukuthini ukwamukela noma ukugubha impilo yakho eyodwa, kunokuba wamukele noma uvume nje ? ”

Ngiphendula, ngishilo ezinye zezingqopha-mlando esengike ngakhuluma ngazo. Ngiphinde ngathi:

Akukho engingeke ngikwenze ngoba ngingashadile. Ngipheka ukudla osezingeni eliphezulu uma ngisesimweni sengqondo. Ngihlobisa ikhaya lami ngamaholide. Ngiyahamba ngiyodla isidlo sakusihlwa, kungaba nabangani noma nomndeni noma ngedwa.

Ngiyethemba ukuthi uma ungashadile, uphila impilo yakho ngokuphelele, futhi. Akubalulekanga nje kuphela okubalulekile, kodwa futhi nalokho esikwenzayo ezimpilweni zethu zansuku zonke.