I- "Do's" ne- "Don'ts" Yabathandekayo

U-Leo Tolstoy wabhala, "Yonke imindeni ejabule iyafana, umndeni ngamunye ongajabule ngendlela yawo." Kodwa-ke, imindeni enabathandekayo babo abasebenzisa kabi utshwala nezidakamizwa bahlanganyela ekungajabuleni kwabo. Bayahlupheka njengoba bebuka izinguquko zenzeka ngalesi sifo. Umuntu abamthandayo uba yisigqila salowo mlutha — ukuqamba amanga, ukweba, ukukhohlisa, ukuphika, ukwenza ngokungenangqondo nokukhungathekisa isihogo esivela kuwo wonke umuntu. Imindeni enempilo ihlangana ngamalungu asenkingeni. Kepha emindenini ebhekene nenselelo yokulutha umugqa phakathi kosizo nokunika amandla mncane. Emizameni yethu engafanele "yokusiza", singawusekela ngephutha umlutha. Singenelela sisindise abantu esibathandayo ngokukhokha izikweletu zabo, sibenzele izaba noma sibakhiphe ejele. Noma sibona ukuthi singabalingani kule tango esontekile, sigcina umdanso wokubambisana uqhubeka.

Ngakho-ke sishiya kanjani indawo yokudansa siqhubeke nezimpilo zethu?

Umkhandlu Kazwelonke Wokulutha Umlutha Nokusebenzisa Izidakamizwa uhlinzeka ngemininingwane emndenini nakubangane babathandekayo, kufaka phakathi uhlu lwezinto “okumele ukwenze nokungamele uzenze” (http://ncadd.org).

Umyeni wami wayezitika ngophuzo oludakayo kanti indodana yami endala yayisebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa. Imizamo yami “yokusiza” yehlulekile, kodwa lokho akuzange kungivimbe. Benginesiqiniseko sokuthi ngingazilungisa zombili. Isudi yami kaNkulunkulu yangilingana ngokuphelele. Ukube nje bebengalalela imiyalo yami, konke ngabe kulungile. Kwangithatha isikhathi eside ukwamukela engangikwenza kabi.

Ungaphikisi, ushumayele, noma ufundise . Ngenze isabelo sami salokho. “Kungani ungayeki lokhu?” “Awuboni ukuthi ubhidliza lo mndeni?” “Ngikhathele ukungiqambela amanga.” "Kumele ubuyele kuleyo mihlangano ye-AA." "Ukube nje ubungangilalela ...."

Ungasebenzisi isikhalazo esithi “uma ubungithanda”. Njengoba nje abantu esibathandayo bezama ukusikhohlisa, nami ngazama ukuxhaphaza umyeni wami nendodana yami. “Ukube ubungithanda, ubungeke untshontshe imali esikhwameni sami semali.” “Uma ubungikhathalela nhlobo, ubuzofika ekhaya ngesikhathi sokudla. Manje kuyabanda futhi ngaya kuyo yonke leyonkathazo ukuyilungisa. ” “Nginenhliziyo ebuhlungu. Ungaqamba amanga kanjani kunyoko? ”

Ungenzi izinsongo zokungenzi lutho . Ngikwenze lokhu kaninginingi. “Uma ungakuyeki lokhu, ngeke ngisakuvumela uhlale lapha.” “Uma uphuza futhi ushayela, ngeke ngikuboleke imoto.” “Uma uqhubeka nokudakwa, ngiyakudivosa.” Izikhathi eziningi kunalezo, umyeni wami wabona ukuthi bengingaqondile engikushoyo. Futhi izikhathi eziningi kunalokho bengizishaya ngenxa yokungalandeli. Ukufunda ukuthi "singasho kanjani ukuthi sisho ukuthini futhi sisho ukuthini esikushoyo" kungaba yinselelo eqhubekayo.

Ungabufihli utshwala noma ubulahle i t. Angikaze ngibe necala kulokhu. Angikaze ngilale ngilele ngithole amabhodlela noma ngithulule utshwala emseleni. Kepha lapho ngithola amabhodlela otshwala angenalutho esikhwameni segalufu somyeni wami, ngavuthela ngamshiya. UDitto lapho ngithola amalunga ekamelweni lendodana yami.

Ungabi umfel 'ukholo (noma ngabe uzizwa unjengaye.) Kwesinye isikhathi ngemuva kwesiqephu sokuphuza, benginikeza umyeni wami ukuthula. Ukuphola kobuciko kulenga phakathi kwethu izinsuku ezimbalwa. Ngemuva kwalokho sancibilika, siqabule futhi sakhe, kuze kube yisikhathi esilandelayo. Ngokuya ngomoya wami, bengingancenga, ngincenge, ngishumayele noma ngivale bese ngiyavala. Ngiphinde ngazitika “emaphathini okuhawukela” futhi ngafanisa umndeni wami nalabo abajabule okwakungafanele babhekane nayo yonke le melodrama.

Ungamenzeli othandekayo wakho lokho okufanele azenzele khona . Kukho konke “okungafanele kwenziwe” ngikholwa ukuthi lokhu kunzima kakhulu. Uma sinika amandla, sivimbela abantu esibathandayo ukuthi bangahlangabezani nemiphumela yokuziphatha kwabo okonakalisayo. Sibaphuca nethuba lokwakha ukuzethemba kwabo lapho bebhekene nokuxazulula izinkinga zabo.

Ungalindeli ukutakula ngokushesha okungu-100% . Ukuphindaphinda kuyingxenye yesifo. Ngemuva kokuphothula ngempumelelo uhlelo lokwelashwa, umyeni wami wabuyela emuva ngokushesha. Wakwazi ukulawula ukuphuza kwakhe futhi wasebenza iminyaka eminingi — akazange alahlekelwe ngumsebenzi wakhe noma uthando nokusekelwa umndeni wakhe nabangane. Wayengesona isidakwa esibi noma esihlukumezayo. Kunalokho wabuyela enkungwini ephuzile. Athule angaphenduli. Ekugcineni, utshwala bathatha ngokuphelele. Umyeni wami walahla ithemba wabe esezibulala. Indodana yami ibe nohambo lokululama phezulu naphansi. In and out of rehab, in and out of psychiatric treatment, in and out isifiso sokushintsha nokwesaba ukuhoxa. Ukugibela ama-roller coaster okuyinkimbinkimbi.

Amanye ama-Do’s. Abantu obathandayo bangenza lukhulu ekusekeleni ukululama. Bangakwazi ukufunda ngokuphuza ngokweqile nokuxhomeka ezidakamizweni, bakhulume futhi banikeze usizo, bazwakalise uthando nokukhathazeka, babone ukuthi umuntu akakwazi ukuma ngaphandle kosizo, futhi basekele ukululama okuqhubekayo. Ngisho noma othandekayo wakho engakulungele ukuyeka, mtshele ukuthi ukholelwa ukuthi unamandla okululama.

Ekugcineni, abathandekayo banganquma ukuphuma. Akunamahloni kulokhu. Uma impilo yakho ihlupheka, uma imingcele yakho iqhubeka njalo, noma uma ukuphepha kwakho kusongelwa, ungathatha isinqumo sokuyeka. Isinqumo esinzima kakhulu. Noma ngabe unquma ukuhlala noma ukuyiyeka, kubalulekile ukuthi ufune usizo futhi uzinakekele. Shiya isikhala enhliziyweni yakho ngozwela futhi ungalokothi ulahle ithemba.