Izithandani Zibhekana Kanjani Nokwehluka Kwesifiso Sezocansi

Uma kukhulunywa ngocansi ebudlelwaneni, akukho lutho olungathathwa "njengokujwayelekile," futhi ukugxila ezilinganisweni kufiphaza ukwehluka okukhulu kwesipiliyoni somuntu wobulili. Ngakho-ke, isibonelo, uma uzibuza ukuthi abashadikazi “kufanele” baye ocansini kangaki, awusilaleli iphuzu. Ngenkathi abanye abantu bengathola kanye noma kabili ngenyanga ngaphezulu kokwanele ukubahlanganisa nabalingani babo, abanye bayayidinga nsuku zonke noma kaningi. Ngamanye amagama, abantu bayahluka kakhulu ezingeni labo lesifiso sobulili.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngisho nasezingeni lomuntu ngamunye, abantu bangabhekana nokwehluka kwesifiso sobulili. Ngezinye izinsuku uzizwa unesidingo esivuthayo, ezinye izinsuku hhayi kangako. Futhi-ke kukhona izikhathi lapho kungekho lutho olungakuthola kumood. Lo mehluko obanzi — phakathi kwabantu naphakathi kwabantu — ukuphela kwento “ejwayelekile” ngesifiso sobulili.

Njengoba kunikezwe lo mehluko, akunakugwenywa ukuthi imibhangqwana kuzodingeka ibhekane nokwehluka kwesifiso sobulili. Eqinisweni, lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuthi kungani imibhangqwana ifuna ukwelulekwa ngokwengqondo. Kepha ngosizo noma ngaphandle kosizo, imibhangqwana iyazithola izindlela zokuxoxisana ngokungafani kwesifiso sobulili, yize ezinye zazo kungenzeka ziyanelisa kakhulu kunezinye.

Ukucacisa ngalolu daba, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sase-University of Southampton (eNgilandi) uLaura Vowels nozakwabo uKristen Mark bacele abantu abadala abangama-229 ebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele ukuthi bachaze amasu abawasebenzisayo ukuzulazula ngokufisa kocansi nabalingani babo. Abaphenyi babike imiphumela yalolu cwaningo kumagazini wakamuva we Izinqolobane Zokuziphatha Ngokobulili .

Okokuqala, ababambiqhaza baphendule ocwaningweni oluhlose ukuhlola amazinga abo ajwayelekile okwaneliseka ngokocansi, ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano, kanye nesifiso sobulili. Abaphenyi abatholanga mahluko wobulili maqondana nokwaneliseka kwezocansi nobudlelwano. Kodwa-ke, abesilisa babenamathuba amaningi kunabesifazane ukubika izinga eliphakeme lesifiso sobulili kunomlingani wabo, ngokuhambisana nocwaningo lwangaphambilini.

Okulandelayo, ababambiqhaza babuzwa ukuthi babike ukuthi yimaphi amasu abawasebenzisile ukuxoxisana ngokungafani kwesifiso sobulili nomlingani wabo. Baphinde bakala ukuthi baneliseke kangakanani ngecebo ngalinye abalisebenzisile. Lo bekungumbuzo ovulekile ngoba abacwaningi bebefuna ukuqoqa amasu amaningi ahlukahlukene ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngemuva kwalokho, abacwaningi benze ukuhlaziywa kokuqukethwe, lapho bekwazile ukuhlanganisa wonke amasu ashiwo ngezindikimba ezinhlanu, abazibeka ngokwezinga lezenzo zocansi ezithintekayo. (Kubalulekile ukuthi wazi lapha ukuthi ngezinhloso zalolu cwaningo "ucansi" luchazwe njengokuya ocansini.) Nakhu abacwaningi abakutholile:

• Ukuziyeka. Umlingani onesifiso esiphansi socansi uyayenqaba intuthuko noma imbhikisho emelene nabo, kuyilapho umlingani onesifiso esiphakeme sobulili eyeka noma kungenjalo adlulisele imicabango yakhe ezintweni ezingezona ezocansi njengokuzivocavoca noma ukuzilibazisa. Ngenkathi amaphesenti ayi-11 abaphendulile abika ukungahlangani nabalingani babo, amaphesenti ayi-9 kuphela alaba abathola kuyisu eliholele emiphumeleni egculisayo. Kuwo wonke amasu okubhekana nokwehluka kwesifiso sobulili, ukukhishwa ekuhlanganyeleni kusiza kakhulu. Futhi inamandla okudala umonakalo omkhulu ebudlelwaneni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
• Ukuxhumana. Lo mbhangqwana uxoxa ngezizathu zokwehluka kwesifiso sobulili futhi uzama ukuthola isisombululo sokuyekethisa, njengokuhlela ucansi kwesinye isikhathi. Bangu-11% kuphela abaphendulile ababike ukuthi basebenzise leli qhinga, kepha kulaba, amaphesenti angama-57 athe bakuthola kuwusizo. Imibhangqwana iyasondelana lapho ikwazi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka ngemizwa nangezifiso zayo, futhi futhi ingakwazi ukuxazulula ukungaboni ngaso linye kwabo ngezifiso zocansi ngokwenza njalo. Kodwa-ke, imizamo yokuxhumana nayo ingaholela ekukhungathekeni lapho abalingani bezivikela noma bezizwa bengakhululekile ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zocansi.
• Ukuzibandakanya emsebenzini ngaphandle kozakwethu. Le ngqikithi ibandakanya imisebenzi efana nokushaya indlwabu wedwa, ukubuka izithombe ezingcolile, nokufunda amanoveli othando noma i-erotica. Cishe ingxenye yesine yabaphenduli (amaphesenti angama-27) abhekane nokwaliwa ngokocansi ngale ndlela, futhi cishe uhhafu walaba (amaphesenti angama-46) bakuthole kuyisu eliwusizo. Eqinisweni, ngaphezu kwengxenye yabaphendulile bakhulume ngokushaya indlwabu njengenye yezindlela zabo, noma ngabe akuyona indlela yabo esetshenziswa kakhulu. Njengesikhala sokuma sokungafani okwesikhashana esifisweni socansi, ukuzikhuthaza ngokwakho kuyisixazululo esihle. Kodwa-ke, intukuthelo kungenzeka yakhe lapho umlingani oyedwa ezwa ukuthi le ukuphela kwendlela abangahlangabezana ngayo nezidingo zabo zocansi.
• Ukuhlanganyela emsebenzini ndawonye. Lokhu kufaka phakathi imisebenzi efana nokugona, ukubhucungwa, nokugeza ndawonye okungahle kuholele noma kungaholeli ocansini. Ngenye indlela, umlingani onesifiso esiphansi anganikela ngokunye ukwenza ucansi, njengokushaya indlwabu bobabili noma ucansi lomlomo. Abangaphezu kwengxenye yesithathu yabaphenduli (amaphesenti angama-38) babike besebenzisa leyo ndlela, kanti ngaphezu kwengxenye yalaba (amaphesenti angama-54) bakuthola kuholela emiphumeleni egculisayo. Ngisho nemisebenzi engeyona eyezocansi, njengokupheka ukudla ndawonye noma ukubambana ngezandla ngenkathi uhamba epaki, kungaba yinto ebalulekile yokuhlanganisa imibhangqwana, futhi lokhu kungasiza umlingani onesifiso esiphansi ukuthi abuyise intshisekelo yezocansi kokunye kwabo okuphawulekayo.
• Yenza ucansi noma kunjalo. Kweminye imibhangqwana, umlingani onesifiso esiphansi unikeza "i-quickie" esikhundleni "sobulili obugcwele." Abanye bavuma ukuya ocansini njengokujwayelekile yize bengekho esimweni, imvamisa bathola ukuthi bavuswa kule nqubo. Abaphenduli ababika ukuthi basebenzisa le ndlela ngokuvamile babonisa ukukholelwa kwabo ekubalulekeni kocansi ebudlelwaneni kanye nesifiso sabo sokwanelisa izidingo zabalingani babo. Ngenkathi kuphela amaphesenti ayi-14 abaphendulile athi asebenzise le ndlela, abangaphezu kwesigamu sabo (amaphesenti angama-58) bathi bajabule ngemiphumela.

Lolu cwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi imibhangqwana isebenzisa amasu ahlukahlukene ukubhekana nokwehluka kwesifiso sobulili nokuthi ngalinye lingasebenza ngempumelelo ekuxazululeni lolu daba.

Okuwukuphela kokungukuhlukaniswa, okucaca ukuthi kulimaza ubudlelwano, ikakhulukazi lapho kuba umkhuba ojwayelekile. Uma uzithola wenqaba izifiso zocansi zomlingani wakho, udinga ukuxhumana nezizathu zokungabi nentshisekelo kwakho bese unikeza umlingani wakho izindlela ezingezona ezocansi zokuhlanganisa. Udinga futhi ukuvuleleka ekuthini ukubuya kwesifiso sobulili uma ubuhlobo bakho kanye nezidingo ezingokomzwelo sezihlangatsheziwe.

Ngokunjalo-ke, uma uthola ukuthi ukuphokophela kwakho ukuya ocansini kuphindaphindiwe, kufanele uvule umzila wokuxhumana nomlingani wakho, ungavali. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ukulalela kubaluleke kakhulu kunokukhuluma uma ufuna ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho uvelaphi. Njengoba uhlangabezana nezinye izidingo zabo, ungazithola zikufudumeza nezocansi.

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