Ngabe iMeritocracy ilusizo ekufuneni uzakwethu wezothando?

“Ngifuna indoda enomusa futhi eqondayo. Ngabe lokho kungaphezu kwamandla ethu ukuba sicele isicebi? ” —Zsa Zsa Gabor

Ngokwesimo sentando yeningi, umuntu wahlulelwa ngokwendlela asebenze ngayo esikhathini esidlule nangempumelelo yakhe. Ingabe lesi yisimiso esihle kakhulu ongasilandela lapho ufuna umlingani ofanelekile othandana naye?

Yini meritocracy?

I-Meritocracy uhlelo lapho abantu bekhethwa khona ngokubheka ukusebenza kwabo kwangaphambilini nempumelelo, ngaphandle kokubheka izimo zabo ezedlule, kubandakanya nemvelaphi yabo yezomnotho. Ezinhlanganweni zezenhlalo, lo mbono uthi izinsizakusebenza ezithile, njengokungena emanyuvesi noma ukuthola izikhundla ezithile, kufanele zisatshalaliswe ngokusebenza, njengoba kukalwa ukuhlolwa kokuphumelela okubonisiwe. IMeritocracy ihlose ukuqeda izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zokuchema, ezinye zazo, njengokukhetha izizalwane, kufanele zisuswe ngempela. Kodwa-ke, kusobala futhi ukuthi ukunganaki isizinda somuntu kungenzeka kudale ukubandlulula okukhulu kulabo abavela ezimweni ezingekho esimeni esihle. Ngempela, ukugxekwa okuvamile ngokumelene nokufaneleka kwinqubo yezemfundo ukuthi iya ngokuya ihlukaniswa, futhi isigaba esisezingeni eliphezulu esakhiwe simele isigaba esincane sabantu. Ngakho-ke, iyakushaya indiva ukwehluka.

Encwadini yakhe, Ibhonasi Yokuhlukahluka (2017), uScott Page uthi amaqembu afaka izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zabacabangi adlula amaqembu afanayo emisebenzini eyinkimbinkimbi. Ikhasi ligxeka kakhulu ikhono lohlelo lwe-meritocracy lokwakha amaqembu aphumelelayo. Uthi umthetho-mgomo wentando yeningi - umqondo wokuthi “umuntu ongcono kunabo bonke” kufanele aqashwe - uphikisana nobuningi bezinkinga eziyinkimbinkimbi. Ngokubona kwakhe, akekho umuntu ongcono kunabo bonke. Ikhasi lisho ukuthi noma ngabe abantu banolwazi olunzulu mayelana nesizinda esifanele, akukho sivivinyo noma izindlela ezisetshenzisiwe kubantu ngabanye ezizokhiqiza iqembu elihamba phambili. Zonke izizinda zinokujula nobubanzi obungenakuvivinywa okunganela.Uthi ukuqashwa ngokuphelele kwamaqembu ukuze afeze imisebenzi ethile eyinkimbinkimbi kuncike kumongo; ngakho-ke, amaqembu afanele kufanele ahluke. Lapho udala ihlathi, awukhethi izihlahla ezihamba phambili; kunalokho, ukhetha izihlahla ezihambisanayo, futhi lokhu kudinga ukwehluka.

Ukwehluka kwezothando

Ukuhlukahluka kwemvelo - okuwukuthi, ukuhlukahluka nobuningi bemizwelo umuntu ahlangabezana nayo - kuyindlela ezimele yokuzimela ngempilo engokwengqondo nengokomzimba, njengokuncipha kokudangala nokuvakasha okuncane kodokotela (Quoidbach, et al., 2014). Ngabe ukwehluka kwezothando kuyasiza futhi? Singakhuluma ngokuhlukahluka okuphelele, lapho isithandwa sibheka ububanzi bezici zothandiweyo futhi simbone njengomuntu ohlukile, ophelele, nokwehluka kwento, lapho uthando lomuntu luqondiswe kubantu abahlukahlukene. Uhlobo lokuqala lokwehlukahlukana, olunconywe kakhulu, luthinta uthando lwesikhathi eside, olujulile. Ifomu lesibili liphikiswa kakhulu. Abathandi be-polyamorous bathi ukuthanda abantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye akulimazi, futhi kungakhulisa nokuqina nokujula kothando lwabo kumuntu ngamunye (Ben-Ze'ev & Brunning, 2017).

Inani le-meritocracy ekukhetheni umlingani othandana naye

"Angifisi ukuba yikho konke kuwo wonke umuntu, kodwa ngingathanda ukuba okuthile kothile." —UJavani

Inani le-meritocracy ekuqondiseni isinqumo somuntu lapho ekhetha umlingani othandana naye alibonakali ngokushesha ngenxa yobunzima nokwehluka kwalowo msebenzi.

I- izakhiwo ezingezona ezobudlelwano kwabathandekayo, njengokuhlakanipha, ukubukeka kwangaphandle, isimo senhlalo, isimo sezezimali, ukusebenza, kanye nempumelelo, ezimele zodwa, yizici ezijwayelekile zokufaneleka. Kodwa-ke, izakhiwo ezinjalo zodwa azikwazi ukunquma ukwenziwa kothando lwesikhathi eside, olujulile, enhliziyweni yazo okukhona ukuxhumana phakathi kwabalingani. Ngokuphambene nalokho, kuvamisile ukuthi lapho bekhuphuka, abantu abaphumelelayo abacabangeli abanye. Ozakwethu bangafunda kakhulu, bahehe, bacebe, futhi badume, kepha kungenzeka bangasifaneli. Singase singazitholi zizwela ngokwanele kithi noma zinentshisekelo yangempela ekuchumeni kwethu; kwesinye isikhathi, bangahle basongelwe yimpumelelo yethu noma ukuzimela kwethu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlala nomuntu, ngokwesisekelo sokufaneleka, ophakeme kakhulu noma ophansi kuwe kunenkinga impela, futhi kuvame ukuholela ebudlelwaneni obusezingeni eliphansi kanye nokuthambekela okukhulu kokuzibandakanya kwezocansi ngaphandle komshado (uBen-Ze'ev , 2016).

Ngaphandle kokucatshangelwa okungenhla, izakhiwo ezingezona ezobudlelwano zabathandekayo azibalulekile ekukhiqizeni uthando lwezothando. Lezi zakhiwo, njengokuhlakanipha, ukubukeka kwangaphandle, isimo senhlalo, isimo sezezimali, kanye nempumelelo, zizimela zodwa, noma ngabe umbono womthandi uthini. Isithandwa asinaso isimo sobusazi esinelungelo maqondana nabo; zivuleleke kakhulu ekuhlolweni kwabanye abantu, futhi kunokuvumelana okubanzi ngabo. Isibonelo, kulula ukuthandana nomuntu ocebile, ohlakaniphile, futhi obukekayo kunalowo ompofu, oyisiphukuphuku futhi omubi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, okwangaphambili kungenzeka ukuthi kunikeze izimo ezingcono ukuze sichume.

Izici ezifanele kakhulu zokwenza uthando olunzulu lwezothando yilezi ezobudlelwanoizakhiwo , ehlanganisa indlela abathandi bobabili abahlangana ngayo. Izibonelo zezakhiwo ezinjalo ukunakekela, umusa, ukuphindaphinda, ukuzwela, kanye nekhono lokukhipha okuhle komunye nomunye. Okukhathaza kakhulu izakhiwo zobudlelwano ngukuthi kufaneleka ekuthuthukiseni ukuchuma kwezithandani. Lokhu kukhathazeka kuphathelene nokuhluka kokuxhumeka okuthile kothando.

Iyahambisana nalezi zimangalo, uPaul Eastwick noLucy Hunt (2014) bethula ubufakazi obukhombisa ukuthi ukwahlulela kwabantu abaningi ngenani lomlingani kuhlobene kakhulu kunokungahlobani, ikakhulukazi njengoba abantu bezwana kangcono ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Baphinde baphakamise ukuthi yize ukuvumelana kuvela ezinhlosweni ezifiselekayo (ezingezona ezobudlelwano) kuzilungiselelo zokuqala zokubonisa, lokhu kuvumelana kubuthakathaka kunokuthambekela kwabahlanganyeli ukubonana njengabahlukile futhi ngokuzithoba abafiselekayo noma abangathandeki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. U-Eastwick noHunt baphetha ngokuthi yize ukusatshalaliswa okungalingani kwezakhiwo ezifiselekayo ezingezona ezobudlelwano emphakathini, "ukufuna okwenziwayo kwenzeka enkundleni yokudlala cishe noma kancane lapho abantu abaningi benethuba eliqinile lokwaneliseka ngemiphumela yabo yothando" (2014: 729).

Amazwi okuphetha

“Ngiyazicabangela, anginasineke futhi angizethembi kancane. Ngenza amaphutha, angilawuleki futhi kwesinye isikhathi kunzima ukubhekana nakho. Kepha uma ungakwazi ukungiphatha kahle kakhulu, uqinisekile ukuthi isihogo asingifanele ngokusemandleni ami. ” —UMarilyn Monroe

Uthishanhloko we-meritocracy angahlola kalula izakhiwo ezingezona ezobudlelwano, ngenkathi ubuhlukile bezothando, obenziwa ukusebenzisana okuhlukile kozakwethu, kungakhonjelwe ekuhlolweni okunjalo kokuqhathanisa. Ngakho-ke, ukubaluleka kokufaneleka ngentando yeningi ekufuneni umlingani ofanelekile othandana naye kunqunyelwe.

Ukwehluka nobunzima bokusebenzisana kwezothando kukhulu kakhulu kunalokho kwethimba lobuchwepheshe eliphumelelayo lososayensi bezinzwa noma abaphathi benkampani. Ngokunjalo, umdlalo ophelele wothando kunzima ukubikezela ngaphandle kokucabangela ukusebenzisana kwangempela kozakwethu. Kunoma ikuphi, ukufana akumele kususelwe ekutholeni umuntu ohamba phambili emhlabeni, kepha kunalokho ekutholeni umlingani ofaneleka kakhulu ezimweni ezinikezwe yizithandani.

Abantu abaningi, kubonakala sengathi, baqhubeka nokufuna abalingani babo ababathandayo ngendlela engafanele. Baqala ngezinto ezingezona ezobudlelwano bese bezama ukubona ukuthi izakhiwo zobudlelwano ziyalandelwa yini. Umlingani onazo zonke izimfanelo ezingcono kakhulu zomuntu ngamunye angaheha, kepha ukhumbula ukuthi ukukhathazeka kwezothando kusebenza ekuxhumaneni phakathi kwabalingani, kunokuba kubhekiswe kubo njengabantu ngabanye, kubalulekile ukukwazisa ukubaluleka kwezakhiwo zobudlelwano eziqinile ekufuneni okujulile uthando.