Uthando Nezikweletu

Uthando nomshado kufanele kuhambisane njengehhashi nenqola. Kepha kwenzekani lapho izikweletu zomlingani oyedwa (noma zombili) zenza ukubopha ifindo kube sengathi kufakwa ejele labakweletwayo? Esikhathini lapho iningi labantu baseMelika lizohlala nomlingani othandana naye phakathi nempilo yabo yabantu abadala, isikweletu singakwazi ukwenza kube lula ukuhlangana kube yimbumba futhi kuvimbele ukungena emshadweni. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi abangashadile banamuhla babheka ngokwengeziwe ukukhokha izikweletu zabo njengesandulela esibalulekile somshado. Ukutholwa kwephepha elisanda kushicilelwa kukhombisa ukuthi isikweletu sesibe yisithiyo emshadweni, ikakhulukazi phakathi kweminyaka eyizinkulungwane zeminyaka enesikweletu semalimboleko yabafundi.

Thatha uRay noJulie, umbhangqwana okwaxoxwa ngawo ngencwadi yethu yakamuva, iCohabitation Nation. Bobabili abaseminyakeni engama-30, bebekade behlala ndawonye iminyaka eyisikhombisa ngesikhathi sokuxoxwa kwabo, bethembisene abahlanu babo. Kepha ngenkathi behlose ngokuphelele ukushada - ekugcineni - bebengakazitholi izinsiza zokwenza lokho. Ebuzwa ukuthi achaze, uJulie umemezele, “Songa, bese sinenkinga yemoto; khona-ke siyonga, futhi othile usembhedeni wabo wokufa eWisconsin, uyazi? Ngakho-ke akukho lutho [olondoloziwe] olwake lwaba yinoma yini. Imvamisa isetshenziswa ngendlela ethile. ”

Ngenkathi isizukulwane sangaphambilini besivame ukushada yize sinesikweletu esithile, izinkulungwane zeminyaka zinesikweletu esikhulu kakhulu kunama-cohorts wangaphambilini. Amakhadi esikweletu kube lula ukuwathola, futhi isikweletu semalimboleko yasekolishi sikhule kakhulu - amakolishi akhuthaze abantu abasha ukuthi baphishekele idiploma kepha badlulela kwizimalimboleko ngaphezu kwezibonelelo, kuyilapho izifundazwe zinciphisa imali yemfundo ephakeme. Kusukela ngo-2018, isikweletu sabafundi besesinyukele ku-1.5 trillion waseMelika, ngokusho kwephephabhuku iForbes. Isizukulwane samanje sabantu abasha sibhekene namazinga okuqoshwa ezikweletu zabafundi, "okuthatha isikhundla sezikweletu zemalimboleko yekhaya njengendlela yokuqala yesikweletu sokwakha ingcebo." Kepha ngenkathi lelo banga lasekolishi lisikisela ukuthi umuntu kufanele ashade kakhulu, inkinga yezikweletu zabafundi yenza kufezeke iphupho laseMelika - umshado, ukuqala umndeni, ukuthenga ikhaya - ekufinyeleleni kwabaningi.

Eqinisweni, izidingo eziningi zomshado sezishintshile. Phakathi kwalabo asebekhulile ngeminyaka yama-1980 nangaphambilini, umshado wakhomba ukuqala kwempilo yombhangqwana osemusha ndawonye, ​​uphawu lokuthi babehlose ukuklwebha nokulondoloza njengeqembu. Namuhla, umshado uvame ukuba yitshe lokuphumelela, uhlehliswe kuze kube yilapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani “sebewenzile.” Isikweletu semfundo, noma kunjalo, sivimbela umshado. Ukukhokha isikweletu, noma kunjalo, kuyithemba lesikhathi eside. Isikweletu somlingani oyedwa singenza ukuqalisa ezinye izigaba zobudala - njengokuthenga ikhaya noma ukuba nengane - kube nzima kakhulu lokho. Ukukhokhelwa kwemali mboleko yesikole kumele kwenziwe noma ngabe amahora omsebenzi ancishisiwe noma ngemuva kokubeletha, lapho abesifazane bengasebenzi (futhi behola, ngenxa yokuntuleka kwezwe lomndeni elikhokhelwayo).

Ukuhlelela umshado nakho kuyinto ebiza kakhulu. Isibonelo, iringi ecwebezelayo yokuzibandakanya ingangeza ngokwengeziwe ezinkingeni zezimali zombhangqwana osemusha. Iringi ejwayelekile namuhla, ngokwesibonelo, ibiza u- $ 6,350 - izinyanga ezimbalwa zomholo kubo bonke kodwa indoda ekhokhelwa kakhulu (futhi ukuphakamisa ngendandatho kuhlala kungumsebenzi wesilisa nobulili obukhulu). UMartin, umhleli wezincwadi esixoxe naye, ubeseminyakeni yakhe yokuqala yama-30 futhi ebenemali engaphezulu kwama- $ 30,000 emalimboleko kuma-bachelors akhe nase-master degree. Yena noJessica babekhuluma ngokuthembisana umshado, kodwa isimo sezezimali sikaMartin sasibaphazamisa ekuthatheni leso sinyathelo. Echaza ngezinselelo uthe:

“Ngokuziqhenya kwami, angizukuthenga iringi engu- $ 10,000, kodwa ngifuna ukusebenzisa imali ephakathi kuka- $ 1,000 kuya ku- $ 2,000. Ngakho-ke bekungathi uzokuletha, njengokuthi 'Ngabe sisacabanga ngalokhu?' futhi sonke isikhathi ngangicabanga ngaso, kepha angikwazanga ukuthola izihibe ezisemthethweni zokuqhubeka ngize ngibe nohlobo oluthile lwezimali, uyazi ukuthi ngiqonde ukuthini? Lapho nje ngithola umsebenzi wami ngathola ukuthi ngingaqala kanjani ukukhokha wonke amakhadi wami wesikweletu nemalimboleko yami yesikole. Ngangiqongelela u- $ 50 wami ngenyanga, futhi ngathola umsebenzi wesibili. Ngangisasebenza endaweni ye-pizza, njengobusuku obubodwa ngeviki, futhi ngangilokhu ngigcina lokho. Ngakho-ke ekugcineni ngakha uhhafu wendandatho, leyo mali yakhokhwa. Kuthe nje senginalokho ngaphuma ngayothenga indandatho sathembisana umshado. ” KuMartin, inqubo yokuthenga indandatho yokubandakanya yayiwumthombo omkhulu wengcindezi. “Ngangikhathazekile ngokumthengela indandatho,” echaza, “ngoba bengikhathazekile ngabangane bakhe abazokwahlulela, njengokuthi,‘ O, ugcine unyaka futhi yilokho kuphela ongakuthola? ’ Ngakho kunecala eliningi lapho. ”

Ukukhathazeka ngokulindelwa okungenangqondo kokushayisana okungabizi kungavimba abalingani ekuphumeni kombuzo.

Ukulindelwa kwemishado kukhuphuke kakhulu futhi. Lapho abazali bakaMiller beshada ekuqaleni kwawo-1970, umshado wabo wawubanjelwe egumbini elingaphansi kwesonto futhi lo mbhangqwana ojabulayo wanikeza izivakashi ikhekhe, isibhakela nama-alimondi aseJordani. Bazithokozele kusihlwa epaki likahulumeni wendawo. Namuhla, izingosi zomshado zithi umshado ojwayelekile ubiza ngaphezu kwama- $ 33,000; omagazini bomshado abanemininingwane eminingi kanye nezinhlelo zethelevishini ezingokoqobo zikhuphule izinga ekulindelweni. Kuhlanganisiwe, ukwanda kwamasheya esikweletu kuhlangene nokulindelwe umcimbi omkhulu kungaholela ekutheni imishado ihlehle ibanga elide kubo bonke kodwa iphumelele ngokwezezimali.

Siphakamisa ukuthi imibhangqwana ezinikele komunye nomunye kufanele ibe nengxoxo ngezikweletu zayo kanye nangezimali. Izingxoxo ezinjalo kufanele zenzeke kulabo abacabanga ukuthembisana umshado. Akekho umlingani ofuna ukwethuka okungathandeki kokufunda ukuthi ozakwabo-abazoba ukweleta ngaphezu kwalokho okubizwa yimoto ephezulu ngemuva kokuvuma ukushada. Ukwazi ukuthi abantu bathola malini, nokuthi abalingani babhekana kanjani nokukhokha izikweletu zabo, nakho kunganikeza imininingwane ebalulekile yokuthi oshade naye ozokuphatha kanjani izindaba zezimali. Ulwazi olunjalo lungahlomisa imibhangqwana njengoba isebenza kwenye yezinselelo eziningi imibhangqwana eshadile ebhekana ndawonye - izindaba zemali - ngaphambi kokubopha ifindo. Ngezinga elikhulu, abantu abasha futhi kudingeka badudule inkinga yezikweletu ku-ajenda yomphakathi, ngokuzibandakanya kwezepolitiki nokubamba iqhaza, kanye nokuzwakalisa izidingo zokubhekana nezinkinga zabo.

Umshado awusiwo owawo wonke umuntu (futhi nakanjani awudingi, ngokombono wethu, ukuthi kufanele ube njalo). Kepha yini umuntu angayenza uma isikweletu sithikameza imigomo yomshado? Phakathi kwemibhangqwana esixoxe nayo ebithembisene umshado, bambalwa abebehlose imishado ebabazekayo evezwe ekusakazweni komagazini, futhi iningi labo belingathengi izindandatho ezibizayo ezidinga ukonga izinyanga ezintathu (noma ngaphezulu). Baxoxe ngamasu abo okunciphisa izindleko bese bonga ngokwanele ukuthatha leso sinyathelo esilandelayo, ezimbalwa esizichaza lapha.

Isu elilodwa iningi labashadikazi bethu abafundile basekolishi abaqashile kwakuwukwenza eminye imisebenzi yesibili, ikakhulukazi ukusiza ukukhokhela imishado yabo kanye nezinyangana. NjengoMartin okukhulunywe ngaye ngenhla, uNathan no-Andrea babesebenza ekwakheni iqanda lesidleke. UNathan wachaza: “Ngizothatha umsebenzi wokuphaka noma wokubhanga.

Imibhangqwana yethu embalwa isho ukuthi amalungu omndeni akhokha kanjani ezinye izindleko zomshado wabo, njengezimbali, ikhekhe, noma ingubo yomshado, njengesipho sabo. Ebuzwa ukuthi bazikhokhela kanjani izindleko zomshado, uKevin uthe, “Ngakho-ke, ngiqonde ukuthi bekungabantu abazinikele ukukhokhela izinto. Ngifana nokuthi, ‘Kulungile!’ ”Ingoduso yakhe, u-Amy, ivumile,“ Ngakho-ke abantu abaningi benza izinto ezinjalo ngesipho sabo somshado, esisize kakhulu. ” Abanye bakhethe umcimbi olula namalungu omndeni nabangane abambalwa.UJanelle uchaze ukuthi ufuna umshado wakhe ungabi yinto ephansi, noma ngamagama akhe, "iphathi nje encane. Ngiqonde ukuthi, ngiboleka ingubo yami yomshado. kulula kakhulu. ”

Ukukhetha okunjalo akukaze kube lula, ikakhulukazi esikweni eligqugquzela i- "matrimania" noma ukukhuphuka kwezilindelo zemidlalo yaseshashalazini eyeqise ngokweqile. Kepha esikhathini lapho iholo lihlala liphansi kubo bonke kepha labo abasezingeni eliphakeme kakhulu lemali engenayo, ukungena ku-hock ukukhokhela umshado akululeki kahle. Ekupheleni kosuku, umbhangqwana ochitha u- $ 40 emshadweni wawo usuke ushadile (futhi kungenzeka abe nenyunyana ephumelela kakhulu) njengalowo ochitha u- $ 40,000. Mayelana nodaba lwesikweletu, kunokugxeka abantu ngokulandela imfundo ephakeme, sigqugquzela ukuthi kusetshenziswe indlela ebanzi yenkinga, futhi siphakamisa ukuthi osopolitiki abathi konke ukubaluleka kwamagugu omndeni kumele babhekane nenkinga yezikweletu ebhekene nabantu abasha banamuhla uma befuna ukushada ukuhlala sisisekelo somphakathi wethu. Ngaphandle kwalokho, singabona abantu abambalwa abatshela phambi kwabangane nomndeni ukuzimisela kwabo ukuthatha umuntu abe ngumlingani wabo oshade ngokusemthethweni "kube ngcono, kubi, kucebe, kube mpofu."