UMay Ingabe Umsebenzi Owubili

Angikholwa ukuthi sekuphele iminyaka engama-30 kwatholakala ukuthi ngine-borderline personality disorder (BPD). Ngeke ngithi isikhathi sesihambile ngoba asikenzi. Kube khona ukwehla nokwenyuka okuningi kuleyo minyaka engama-30, kuningi kakhulu ukubalwa futhi kuningi kakhulu ukuzama nokukukhumbula.

Futhi ngenkathi ngingabali, sekuphele iminyaka engama-37 ngiqale ukwelashwa no-N. eHamptons. Nguye owangidlulisela kudokotela wezifo zengqondo osekhulile okwathi engqondweni yami wafana noFreud. Wangibhalela umuthi ongafanele, okwaholela ekutheni ngibe ne-anorexia.

Ngabe ngike ngicabange, "Uma-ke?" Impela. Kungokwemvelo. Kuthiwani ukube angiyanga ukuyombona noma lowo dokotela wezifo zengqondo? Ingabe lesi yisiqondiso impilo yami engangiyithatha?

Lapho omunye wabesifazane engangidlala nabo ebeka umugqa we-cocaine kubha (yebo, khona kanye kubha yezinkuni opholishiwe) futhi wanginxusa ukuba ngizame, angizange nginqikaze. Ngiwutholile wonke lo mqondo wentokozo i-coke ebigcwele kimi futhi, eminyakeni emithathu elandelayo, ngiyihoxile njalo. Ngezinye izikhathi nabangane, ngezinye izikhathi ekhaya ngingedwa. Ngangiyisidakwa esivuka nsuku zonke, ngigeza, ngiye emsebenzini, ngenze umsebenzi oncomekayo, futhi ngibuyele ekhaya ngizomshaya.

Ukuzizwa kwami ​​kwakungekho; ngaphakathi, ngangizulazula, nginesibindi. Naphezu kwakho konke lokhu kuxokozela, ngangizizwa ngingenalutho, ngiyigobongo. Ngaswela into eyakha isidalwa esingumuntu.

Ngokunyakaza okukodwa okusheshayo, ngathengisa i-cocaine ngale mithi engangibhalelwe yona ngokufana noFreud. I-anorexia yagijimela kimina njenge-tsunami, yagcwalisa ubuze, yangikhukhula.

Futhi isiphepho asizange siyeke cishe iminyaka engama-30.

Ngokushesha nokuntengantenga, ngasindiswa ekuminzeni ngumdondoshiya wodokotela wezifo zengqondo onamazwi anjengeMpumalanga Yurophu. Ezikhathini eziyinkulungwane noma ngaphezulu eminyakeni eyi-11 eyalandela, ibinzana lakhe alithandayo lalingukuthi:

"Yini efika emqondweni?"

Ungiqeqeshile, wangibhekisa kimi, futhi wangijolela ukuba ngihlolisise imifantu yengqondo yami. Kwakunezikhathi lapho ngangimthanda futhi kwesinye isikhathi ngangimzonda ngokungiphoqa ukuba ngikhiphe izinkumbulo, imicabango nemizwa enganeni, kusuka ebusheni, kowesifazane osemusha ocishe waminza.

Manje, njengoba sengikhulile, lapho ngibhekene ne-squall, ngoba ayisoze yaba khona enye i-tsunami enamandla amakhulu, ngikhumbula umbuzo owuthandwa kakhulu nguDkt.

Namuhla, ngiyakwazi ukuziphendulela.

Ukuphazamiseka Komuntu Osemngceleni. Ukubuyiselwa kungenzeka.

~ Andrea