Indaba yokwamukelwa kanye nokuphazamiseka kokunamathisela okusebenzayo

UDkt T wayengeke ajabule ngokwengeziwe ngentuthuko kaJulia. Ezinyangeni eziyi-18, ingane yami yayineminyaka engama-95 ^th iphesenti ngesisindo sakhe. Wayekhuluma, ehamba, ithoni yakhe yemisipha yayiyinhle kakhulu. Zonke izimpawu ezinhle zengane ezamukelwe ezinyangeni eziyi-14 ngaphambili ekhaya lezintandane laseSiberia.

UDkt T ugxile ekwelapheni izingane ezitholwa umhlaba wonke. Ngesikhathi sokuhambela kahle kwendodakazi yami okwesithathu, wancoma isiwombe sesibili semithi yokugoma ngoba wayengathembi leyo ayithola eRussia. Ungibuze ukuthi uJulia udla kanjani, ebuka ama-bifocals akhe ukuze afunde ishadi lakhe. Ngamtshela ukuthi usekudleni okungokwemvelo, ukudla okuphelele, okungeyona inyama. Wathi, “muhle,” nangokucwebezela okunomusa esweni lakhe, wanezela, “Ubukeka emuhle. Wenza umsebenzi omuhle. Mbuyiseni ezinyangeni eziyisithupha. ”

Ngenkathi eqala ukushibilika egumbini lokuhlola ngangingingiza, "Ima, nginombuzo."

Wangibuka ngesineke.

"Ngazi kanjani ukuthi uJulia ukahle, uyazi, ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo?"

Wama kancane.

Ngamchazela ukuthi indodakazi yami eyigugu elimhlophe, ingane ekhazimula ngokukhethekile, ayinamathele kimi noma ingibheke emehlweni noma ibekezelele ukubanjwa. Akasifinyeleli isandla sami noma angivumele ngimfundele noma ngidlale ngaye. Unomusa womuntu, ngithe, ngicabanga ukuthi lelo kwakuyigama elihle ongalisebenzisa. Akahlaliseki lapho ebanjelwe embhedeni noma esitiladini. Akalokothi aphumule angange ngothando. Uyalawula futhi unzima. Hhayi kwesinye isikhathi. Ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Ngaphandle kokuphuthelwa isigqi uthe, "Ungachaza into ebizwa nge-Reactive Attachment Disorder." I-RAD, njengoba ngathola kamuva, iyisifo esibonwa ezinganeni eziningi zokutholwa, ikakhulukazi ezivela eRussia naseMpumalanga Yurophu. Izingane zinenkinga yokunamathela kubazali bazo bokutholwa ngoba zihlukumezekile noma azinakiwe, futhi zibheka umzali wokutholwa njengomunye umnakekeli ongabashiya noma angabashiyi. Yize besebancane, ekujuleni kwenhliziyo bakholelwa ukuthi ukuphela kwabantu abangabethemba bona uqobo lwabo. Isimo esiyinkimbinkimbi, esingaqondakali ngokuvamile ngodokotela bezingane abaningi.

UDkt T uthe kungenzeka kusheshe kakhulu ukuxilongwa. UJulia usemncane kakhulu. Wabe esengibheka phezulu, wabona ukwesaba ebusweni bami, futhi wengeza, “Ungakhathazeki. Unesikhathi. ”

Ukuqeda ukwethuka okubuhlungu, bengilokhu ngizitshela ukuthi “Sinesikhathi, sinesikhathi. UJulia uzosondelana. ”

Sobabili nomyeni wami sasineminyaka engama-40 lapho samukela uJulia. Ngiyintatheli. Ungummeli osethathe umhlalaphansi. Akukaze kube khona ngesikhathi senqubo yokutholwa ngo-2003 lapho kukhona umuntu owake wasitshela nge-Reactive Attachment Disorder. Ngaqala ukuyizwa kukhulunywa ngayo ngesikhathi siseSiberia. Omunye umbhangqwana owamukela ingane yabo yesibili yaseRussia ngasikhathi sinye besithatha uJulia wazizwa ekhathazekile lapho behlangana nendodana yabo eyinsana ngoba ingane ayizange ibhekane emehlweni futhi yayingaphenduli. Bengingazi ngokwanele ukunaka ukusabela kwabo okwethukile. Ngezwa le nkulumo futhi lapho ngikhuluma nomngani womndeni, udokotela wezifo zengqondo, kepha wayekhuluma ngemivimbo ebanzi, futhi ebuka phansi ingane yami ethandekayo, wathi, "Ungakhathazeki. Ubonakala elungile. ”

Ngisho nangemva kokukhulunywa kukaDkt. T ngalesi sifo, ngangingakulungele ukwamukela le ncazelo, noma ngabe yayiyochaza ukuthi kungani ngangizizwa ngingafaneleki njengomama. Kungathatha eminye iminyaka emibili, lapho uJulia eneminyaka emine futhi ethola ukuthandwa kolimi, ukuthi mina nomyeni wami uRicky sikwenze kube umsebenzi wethu wokuphila ukuqonda i-Reactive Attachment Disorder, nokwenza lokho ebesikudinga ukukwenza ukutakula indodakazi yethu indawo engayodwa wayevaleleke kuyo.

Ngokuqondile, kuthathe usuku olubi ekhonsathini yesikole sezinkulisa ukuthatha igxathu lokuqala ebelidingeka ukuguqula izimpilo zethu, ukuze "Sindisa uJulia Kabili," njengoba incwadi yami ibizwa kanjalo. Ngesikhathi somcabango wokwephuka ngakhala futhi ngakhala ngenxa yokuthi ngabona ukuthi indodakazi yami yayinesizungu futhi ishiye amakhaya. UJulia akakwazanga ukucula kanye neqembu. Ukuziphatha kwakhe okuphazamisayo kuphoqe uthisha ukuthi amkhiphe esiteji aphume egumbini. Lokhu kungahle kungazwakali njengomcimbi ongajwayelekile kwengane encane — kepha uma ngibeka kumongo, ngangiqonda khona lapho futhi, ngidinga ukungenelela.

Mina nomyeni wami sahlangana ndawonye ukuze sifunde konke ezincwadini, ezifundweni zobudokotela naku-inthanethi esasingakwazi ukukuthola kulesi sifo. Ikhadi lethu leBingo laligcwele. UJulia wayeyingane ye-poster ye-RAD. Senze umzamo omkhulu nokuzibophezela ekusizeni indodakazi yethu futhi sizenze umndeni. Kwakuwumsebenzi wethu wansuku zonke. Sifunde ukuthi ukukhulisa ingane enenkinga yokuhlanganisa kudinga imizwelo yokuba umzali ephikisayo — eminye ephazamisa futhi yamangaza umndeni nabangane. Abantu abakwazanga ukuqonda ukuthi sizophendula nini ekuxabaneni kukaJulia nobuso be-poker ngaphandle kokumthokozisa. Sasihleka ngesikhathi sokudinwa kwakhe aze abalahle, futhi siqhubekele phambili ngokungathi akwenzekanga ngoba izingane ze-RAD ziyimilutha yezinxushunxushu futhi kubalulekile ukususa umdlalo. Abazange baqonde ukuthi uJulia wayengazimisele ukunganga futhi asizange simcele ukuthi enze kanjalo. Ngosizo locwaningo nezifundo eziyizibonelo, saba nebhokisi lamathuluzi. Ezinye izeluleko zazibaluleke kakhulu, ezinye zehluleka. Amanye amasu asebenze isikhashana. Besihlala ngaphakathi kwelabhorethri. Ngangazi ukuthi nginenhlanhla engakanani yokuba nomlingani onjengoRicky ngoba imishado eminingi namakhaya kucekelwa phansi inselelo yokwamukela izingane ezinzima.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kwaba nokuzibandakanya okuningi noJulia. Kwakungekhona ukuthi kunothando futhi kufudumele ekuqaleni kepha bekuhamba ngendlela efanele. Besimdonsela ngaphandle. Wakwazi ukukhombisa intukuthelo kunokunganaki. Njengoba amakhono akhe okukhuluma athuthuka, saba nethuba lokukwazi ukumchazela ukuthi siyamthanda futhi asisoze samyeka. Lokho sikuqonde ukuthi kwakusabeka kanjani ukuthi athandwe umuntu omdala nokuthi uphephile. Simfundise ukuthi azizwe ekhululekile uma simubheka emehlweni, futhi simqeqeshela ukwenza okufanayo. Ukuqonda ukuthi ulimele kangakanani nakho kwavula inhliziyo yami futhi kwangenza ngaba nozwela ngokwengeziwe, futhi ngakhuthazeka kakhulu ukuba ngunina.

Inqubekela phambili yathatha isikhathi — futhi umsebenzi wokuhlala uboshiwe nengane elimele kuwumsebenzi wesikhathi sokuphila. UJulia waphuma endaweni eyingozi lapho eneminyaka emihlanu noma eyisithupha. Wathintitha isigqoko sakhe sokuzivikela nezikhali zakhe. Wangiyeka ngaba ngumama wakhe. Ngikuhlonipha lokho kwethenjwa ngokukhumbula, usuku nosuku, ukuthi ulwa kanjani namademoni aqondayo nokuthi impi yakhe inamandla futhi izohlala inamandla kangakanani.

Lapho eneminyaka engu-11 ubudala, uyisimangaliso kimi. Akuwona nje umuzwa wakhe wokuhlekisa omenza akwazi ukudweba opopayi abasezingeni eliphezulu noma indlela adlala ngayo ivayolini noma enza kahle esikoleni. Ukufeza kwakhe okukhulu ukuvumela uthando lungene. Yize lokho kuyindalo yesibili emindenini eminingi, kithina kuwukunqoba.

Imininingwane Tina Traster