Isikhathi Sokuphuma 2.0

-Delile

• Ungalisebenzisa Kanjani Ikhefu Ngendlela Yothando Nesekelayo

Kunesivumelwano esibanzi sokuthi ukusetshenziswa kwesikhathi sokuphuma njengesijeziso “sokungaziphathi kahle” akulungile ngokwentuthuko futhi akusebenzi. Ucwaningo olunamandla lubonisa ngokusobala ukuthi ingxenye yobuchopho elawula ikhono lokucabanga nokuphatha imizwa nezenzo ayithuthukisiwe kahle ezinganeni ezisencane. Ziqhutshwa yimizwa yazo kanye nemizwelo yazo. Abaziphathi kahle ngenhloso, ngakho-ke abafundi lutho ekuphumeni kwesikhathi.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, izindlela zokujezisa zivame ukukhulisa isimilo esiyinselele. Zibhebhethekisa usizi izingane esezivele zinalo njengoba zilwela ukubhekana nokukhungatheka okuningi nokudumazeka kwempilo. Badinga uzwela lwethu nokusekelwa, hhayi intukuthelo nokwenqatshwa.

Inkinga ukuthi manje isikhathi siphelile sekuyinto ebanjwayo. Noma yiluphi uhlobo lwekhefu ingane engaludinga lubonwa njengokujezisa nokulimaza izingane. Ikhambi lokuphuma kwesikhathi selingenile, okubandakanya ukuhlala nengane phakathi nokuncibilika, noma ngabe yini. Abazali basebenza "njengababambisene nabo," banikeze ukusekelwa izingane ezincane ezidinga ukuziduduza uma zinamandla alinganiselwe okuzilawula.

Ngokombono, ngiyavuma ngokuphelele ukuthi indlela ekahle ukuthi ubekhona nengane ukuyithambisa lapho ikwimodi yokucindezela okukhulu futhi iyaqaqa. Uma kuthulisa ingane yakho ukuthi ubekhona, khona-ke ukungena ngesikhathi kuyindlela enhle.

Kodwa kuthiwani ngezikhathi lapho izingane zingalawuleki kangangoba azikwazi ukwamukela induduzo? Lapho uzama ukubathulisa ngokwengeziwe, bathola okungaphezulu kokulawula. Kulezi zimo, ukungena esikhathini akusizi ukudambisa impendulo yengcindezi yengane yakho. Ukuba segumbini nengane yakho kuyakhuthaza. Kugcina ingane yakho ivuselelwe futhi isebenze njengoba igxila kukho konke ekuzameni ukukuthola ukuthi unikeze umkhawulo owubekile oholele ekuwohlokeni. Uyinkomba etholakalayo yokuziphatha okuqhubekayo okunolaka.

Lesi yisivumelwano engangibhekene naso iminyaka eminingi. Ngenkathi ngiqala ukusebenza nemindeni eminyakeni engaphezu kwengama-30 eyedlule, ngawugwema umqondo wokuphuma kwesikhathi futhi ngancoma kuphela ama-time-ins. Ngigxile ekusizeni abazali ukuthi beze namasu amaningi wokuthoba amandla abangawasebenzisa lapho izingane zabo belahlekelwa yikho, njengokuthi: ukwangana ngokuqinile, ukuphefumula kanzima esiswini, noma ukwenza izingane "umsebenzi onzima" ukusiza ukudambisa izinhlelo. Bengicabanga ukuthi lokhu kuzokwanela.

Kepha kaninginingi, abazali babuyela ehhovisi lami bebika ukuthi izingane zabo "ziya esigabeni sesihlanu ngokushaya kwenhliziyo" nokuthi kwakungekho ukubathulisa kanye lapho bevuswa. Ukuncibilika kwabo bekuvame futhi kukhulu.

Ngenkathi ngokwesimo isikhathi-ngaphakathi kuzwakala kukuhle, empeleni, bekungasebenzi. Ekushiseni kwalezi zikhathi "zezindawo ezibomvu" - lapho izingane ziphonsa khona izinto, zikhahlela, zishaya, ziluma, ziklwebha futhi zikhafula — abazali badudulelwa umkhawulo wemizwelo yabo. Ngokwemvelo bayazi ukuthi ikhefu liyadingeka — kubo kanye nasezinganeni zabo — kodwa besaba ukuthi lokhu kuzoba yingozi ezinganeni zabo. Bezwile kubangani, emndenini nakongoti bokukhulisa izingane ukuthi isikhathi sokuphumula asihambisani nentuthuko futhi singaba yingozi enganeni yabo.

Ukuvama kwalezi zindaba kwaholela esinqumweni sami sokuqala ukufaka ukufaka ukuvakashelwa ekhaya emisebenzini yami ukuze ngikwazi ukuzibonela mathupha ukuthi lokhu kuhlangana kwenzeka kanjani futhi nginikeze ukusekelwa okufanelekile nokuqondisiwe kubazali-okuhlangabezana nabo emaqinisweni abo.

Engikubonile ukuthi lapho imizwelo (namazinga e-cortisol ebuchosheni) ephezulu esibhakabhakeni, ikhefu kubo bobabili umzali nengane kungaba yindlela enempilo kunesikhathi esishubile, esivame ukuba nolaka, sibuyele emuva (ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo) lokho kulandela izikhathi ezibomvu lapho abazali bezama ukuvimba izingane ngokomzimba futhi behluleke ukuzibamba. Ngenkathi uhlala nengane yakhe kulezi zikhathi uzizwa njengokuthile okunothando kakhulu, lokhu kushukumiseka kuyingozi kakhulu ezinganeni kunokuzinikeza (nabazali bazo!) Isikhala esithile ngendlela ephephile futhi enothando.

Ezweni eliphelele, abazali bazokwazi ukuphatha ukusabela kwabo. (Ngempela, isabelo sengonyama somsebenzi wami nabazali siyabasiza bafunde leli khono). Kepha abazali nabo bangabantu, futhi noma singasebenza kanzima kangakanani ukulawula imizwa yethu, kunezikhathi lapho izingane zingalawuleki futhi zilimaze kangangokuba okuwukuphela kwendlela yokwenza izinto phansi ukuthatha ikhefu ngamandla we umzuzwana.

Ngenxa yalokho, sengikholelwa ukuthi kuyisidina kubazali ukubatshela ukuthi okuwukuphela kwento eyamukelekayo lapho ingane yabo iphuma ingalawuleki yisikhathi sokungena. Sebevele bezizwa njengokwehluleka ukuthola ingane engathola ukuphuma kokulawula nokulimaza. Lapho ama-time-ins enweba futhi andisa lezi zikhathi zezindawo ezibomvu, abazali baphelelwa yithemba lokuthi abanalo ithuluzi elibenza bakwazi ukugcina umqondo wokulawula ekuziphatheni kwengane yabo. "Batubekile" ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo njengoba omunye umzali esanda kusho, kuzo zonke izimpi ababhekana nazo — ngezinye izikhathi nsuku zonke. Futhi, ngokudabukisayo, laba bazali bachitha isikhathi esiningi bezithukuthelela izingane zabo ngokubenza bazizwe bengalawuleki kangako.

Amakhefu engisikisela ukuthi abazali bazinikeze bona nezingane zabo kulezi zikhathi ezinzima kakhulu awajezisi kepha anothando futhi ayabasekela. Angizibizi isikhathi siphelile ngoba leli gama selifana nesijeziso. Ngibabiza ngokuthi "amakhefu okuphepha-isikhala."

Ukwephuka akulimazi ngokwemvelo noma empeleni kuyingozi ezinganeni ezincane: Konke kusendleleni ababulawa ngayo. Lapho abazali beza ekhefini ngomoya ophansi nangothando — hhayi ngokujezisa (njengokuthi, "Iya ekamelweni lakho khona manje!") - leli thuluzi linganakekela, lingabi lukhuni. Lakha isikhala abazali nezingane abasidingayo ukuvimbela ukwanda okuthe xaxa nokuthi beze babuyelane ukuxazulula inkinga lapho bobabili bezolile.

Ungalisebenzisa Kanjani Ikhefu Ngendlela Yothando Nesekelayo

Yazisa ingane yakho ukuthi uhlelo luyoba yini lapho isendaweni ebomvu . Ngomzuzwana onokuthula (hhayi ngesikhathi sokudinwa), vuma ukuthi ukuncibilika kuzokwenzeka. Wonke umuntu uhlangabezana nezikhathi lapho ecasuke kakhulu aze alahlekelwe ukulawula izingqondo nemizimba yakhe.

Chazela ingane yakho ukuthi lapho ekuleso simo, umsebenzi wakho ukuba umsize. Uzohlala njalo uzama ukumsiza athole ukuzola ngokusebenzisa amathuluzi amaningi ohlangana nawo, njengokumgona, noma ukuphefumula kanzima esiswini. Kepha ezimeni lapho kunzima khona ukulawula umzimba wakhe, uzomyisa endaweni yakhe ephephile.

Yenza ukugxila kumgcine ephephile, hhayi ukuthi uvikela abanye abantu kuye. ” Ukuziphatha kuthinta yena nabanye. Ukuze ufunde kabanzi ngokuxazulula izinkinga nezingane, hlola le bhulogi.)

Qiniseka ukuthi indawo ephephile inomngcele wokuvimbela ingane yakho ukuthi iphume yodwa. Ezinganeni ezingeke zihlale endaweni ephephile futhi ziqhubeke zigijime ngaphambi kokuba zibuyele emuva, ngibona kubalulekile ukuba namathuluzi wokuhlinzeka ngomngcele. Lapho izingane zingaphuma endaweni ephephile ngokukhululeka, abazali balahlekelwa ukulawula isimo esivame ukuqhubekisela phambili ukuxokozela.

Imingcele ilungele izingane. Bagcina izingane ziphephile futhi zivikelekile. Ngincoma ukusebenzisa inkawu yomnyango egcina umnyango uhlanganisiwe uvuleke ngamasentimitha ambalwa — akwanele ukuthi ingane ikwazi ukuphuma. Ngale ndlela akudingeki uvale noma ukhiye iminyango. Hlola kuqala ukuthi inkawu yomnyango isebenza kanjani ukuze ingane yakho yazi kahle ukuthi ingalindelani: “Lo ngumngani wethu uMnu. Door Helper. Ukugcina uvikelekile endaweni yakho ephephile kuze kube yilapho umzimba uzolile. ” Igumbi lokulala lengane lingasebenza njengendawo ephephile ngoba ayisetshenziswa njengesijeziso kepha njengendawo enothando, nokuzola.

Ezimweni lapho ungazizwa ukuthi ungafaka ingane yakho endaweni ephephile, enye indlela ukuthi uvikeleke endaweni ephephile bese utshela ingane yakho ngomoya ophansi ukuthi: “Ngiya endaweni yami ephephile. Uma usubuyile ekuphatheni umzimba wakho ngizophuma futhi sikwazi ukusebenzela ukuxazulula inkinga. ”

Faka nengane yakho ekwakheni isikhala. Okokuqala, qiniseka ukufakazela ingane isikhala. Qiniseka ukuthi azikho izinto eziyingozi angathola ukufinyelela kuzo. Susa noma yini angakhuphuka kuyo njengezitulo noma izihlalo. Bonanani ndawonye ukuthi yini angayenza endaweni yakhe ephephile. Msize akhethe uhla lwezinto ezamukelekayo ezingafakwa, njengezilwane ezifakiwe, amabhola we-squishy, ​​imicamelo ethokomele nezincwadi. Ukubeka itende lezingane esikhaleni kungasebenza kakhulu njengoba kuzwakala kushesha futhi kududuza izingane, ikakhulukazi lapho ziqaqa. Ukwakha indawo efudumele, enobungane kutshela ingane yakho ukuthi akuyona eyokujeziswa — kuyisikhala sothando. (Noma kunjalo, ungalindeli ukuthi ingane yakho ikubonge ngokumfaka endaweni yakhe yokuphumula. Khumbula, ngoba ingane ayithandi umkhawulo akusho ukuthi ayiyilungele.)

Hlala uzolile ngangokunokwenzeka lapho uhambisa ingane yakho endaweni yokuphumula. Uma ingane yakho ingakwazi noma izimisele ukuya yodwa ekhefini, kungadingeka ukuthi umhambise lapho. Noma umbambe engalweni ukuze ugweme ukukhahlela, ukushaya noma ukuluma, zama ukuhlala uzolile futhi ugcine ulimi lusezingeni eliphansi. Khumbula, izingane azikwazi ukucubungula okokufaka okuningi lapho zisendaweni ebomvu. Ubuchopho babo bugcwele imizwa futhi abakwazi ukucabanga okunengqondo. UWhisper isitatimende esithobisayo: “Uphatheke kabi ngempela futhi unzima ukulawula umzimba wakho. Ngizoba umsizi ngikuyise endaweni yakho ephephile lapho uzohlaba ikhefu khona. Uma usuzolile, singabuyela ekudlaleni. ”

Khetha umkhawulo wesikhathi ofanele kangcono ingane yakho. Abanye abazali bakhetha ukuqeda ikhefu lapho ingane yabo izolile. Enye indlela ukusetha isibali sikhathi imizuzu emithathu kuya kwemihlanu, bese ungena. Kuleli qophelo, ingane yakho kungenzeka isacasukile, kepha uma ingasalawuleki futhi izimisele ukwamukela ukududuzwa, ungayisiza ihambe vula.

Qiniseka ukuthi ulindele okulungile kulokho okuzokwenziwa ikhefu. Izingane ezincane azikabi nalo ikhono lokucabanga ngezenzo zazo nokuziphatha kwazo zodwa, ngaphandle kosizo oluvela kumuntu omdala onakekelayo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi umgomo wokuthatha ikhefu akukhona ukuzicabangela wena uqobo: “Gee, ngiyazibuza ukuthi kungani ngivumela imizwa yami inginqobe — bekungafanele ngibe ngiklwebhile futhi ngakhahlela uBaba lapho ecisha i-TV” kungaphezu kwalokho izingane ezisacathula ngisho nezasenkulisa (ingasaphathwa eyabantu abaningi abadala!) Inhloso ukuhlinzeka ngendawo ethule lapho ingane yakho ingasuka khona isesimeni sokuxokozela okuphezulu futhi icasuke iye kumuzwa wokuzola. Ikhefu linikeza isikhala sokuba bobabili umzali nengane bazihlanganise kabusha. Akukho kufundiswa okwenzekayo lapho izingane zisenkingeni, zikhukhulekile ngokomzwelo.

Ukwehlukaniswa kobufakazi bokuthi izingane zibhekene nengcindezi enkulu ezingakwazi ukuyilawula. Lapho ingane yakho iba yingozi futhi ungakwazi ukuyilawula, noma lapho ingalawuleki kangangoba ingeke yamukele futhi izuze emizameni yakho yokumduduza, ikhefu elifushane lokuxhumana lingayisiza yehlise umoya. Kumongo wobudlelwano obunothando, obuqinile bomzali nengane, ukunikeza ingane yakho (kanye nawe uqobo) indawo kungasiza, kungalimazi.