Yiziphi Izinhlobo Zabantu Abangabakhohlisi Ozakwethu?

Izindatshana ezahlukahlukene ziye zafuna ukuchaza nokulinganisa ukuthi kungani abantu bengakhohlisa ophathina babo: ngokwesibonelo, ukunganakwa, ithuba lokukhohlisa, noma isifiso ngakolunye uhlangothi sokuthanda kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, sibonile okuncane kakhulu ngezizathu zabantu ungakwenzi ukukopela.

Ngakho-ke, yini ngempela eyenza abantu bangabi namathuba okukhohlisa abalingani babo? Ingabe kungenxa yokuthi banelisekile ebudlelwaneni babo bamanje, noma bamiswa nje yizingozi ezihambisana nokukopela? Ngabe kunezinhlobo ezithile zabantu okungenzeki ukuthi bakhohlise futhi uma kunjalo, bangobani?

Ukuze kuphenywe le mibuzo, uMeneosos Apostolou noRafaella Panayiotou base-University of Nicosia benze izingxoxo nabantu baxoxa nabo ngezizathu ezibabambezela ekukhohliseni umlingani wabo wamanje noma izizathu ezingabavimba ukuthi bakhohlise umlingani wabo nganoma yisiphi isikhathi ngokuzayo. Kusukela ezingxoxweni, abacwaningi bakhipha izizathu ezingama-47 abantu abazibike njengokuzivimbela ekukhohliseni abalingani babo, abacwaningi abayiqoqe baba imikhakha ebanzi eyi-8 ngokulandelayo.

• Ngenelisekile ngobudlelwano bami. Uzakwethu ungiphatha kahle. Ngiyamthanda umlingani wami.
• Zizwe unecala. Ungakuthathi njengokufanele. Ngizozizwa nginamahloni.
• Yesaba ukuthi kuzokwenzeka kimi. Ngeke ngiyithande. Ukwesaba umlingani wami uzokwenza okufanayo.
• Awuzange ucasulwe. Ukwesaba ngizokujabulela futhi ngilingeke ukuba ngikwenze futhi. Akahlangane nomuntu okhangayo ngokwanele.
• Ukwesaba ukusabela komlingani wami. Ukwesaba ukuthi umlingani wami uzosabela ngodlame.
• Zizwe unamahloni uma liphuma. Akuhambisani nenkolo.
• Angifuni ukungena enkingeni. Yesaba ukusabela kwabazali bomlingani wami. Ukuzisola.
• Ukucwaswa komphakathi. Ukukhathazeka ukuthi abantu bazocabangani. Angithandi abantu bazi.

Ukulandela lokhu, abacwaningi babe sebecela ababambiqhaza abangama-576 ukuthi babike ukuthi kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi ngasinye sezizathu esinikezwe ngenhla sizobanqanda ekukhohliseni abalingani babo manje noma nganoma yisiphi isikhathi esizayo. Izimpendulo zirekhodwe kusuka kokungavumi ngokuqinile ukuvuma ngokuqinile. Ukuphakama kwesikolo, ukuvumelana okuningi nesizathu sokungakopeli.

Ababambiqhaza baphinde baqeda isikali esilinganise izici zobuntu ukuvuleka, unembeza, nokuvumelana. Abantu abaphumelela kakhulu ekuvulekeni bachazwa njengabanelukuluku, abacabangayo, abajabulisayo, futhi abangahambisani nalokho. Labo abenza unembeza omkhulu babonakala ngokuhleleka, ukusebenza kahle, ukusebenza kahle nokuzikhuza, kanti ukuvumelana nakho kubonakala ngokuthembela nokuxolela, ukuzidela nokuba nesizotha.

Izizathu zokungakhohlisi

Abaphenyi babe sebehlola ukuthi yisiphi isizathu esasingavimba kakhulu ukukopela. Bathola ukuthi "ngiyaneliseka ngobudlelwano bami" njengesizathu esibikwe kakhulu, okuphakamisa ukuthi ababambiqhaza abaningi babezijabulisa nabalingani babo bamanje. Isizathu esilandelayo esibikwe kakhulu sokuthi kungani abantu bengakopeli ukuthi bathi kuzobenza bazizwe benamahloni noma benecala. Ngasinye salezi zizathu sikhombisa izinzuzo zobudlelwano; ngamanye amagama, abantu babika ukuthi abakhohlisi ngoba bajabule futhi bazinikele kozakwethu bamanje.

Yiziphi izinhlobo zabantu ezingakopeli?

Abaphenyi ngokulandelayo baqala ukubheka izizathu zokuthi kungani izinhlobo ezithile zabantu zingazange zikhohlise. Mayelana nokwehluka kobulili, bathole ukuthi abesifazane babike amaphuzu aphezulu kunamadoda okuthi "Ngiyaneliseka ngobudlelwano bami" futhi ngizizwa nginecala njengesizathu sokungakhohlisi abalingani babo. Ngamanye amagama, lezi zinikezwe njengezizathu ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuthi abesifazane bangakhohlisi abalingani babo, uma kuqhathaniswa nabesilisa abangakhohlisi abalingani babo.

Ngokwesitayela sobuntu, labo abathola amaphuzu aphezulu ngokuvuleleka bazwakalise ukwesaba ukuthi kuzokwenzeka kubo njengesizathu sokuthi ngeke bakhohlise abalingani babo, uma kuqhathaniswa nalabo abathola amaphuzu aphansi ngokuvuleleka. Kodwa-ke, labo abanezibalo eziphansi zokuvuleka babike ukuthi abacasulwa ukuthi babe yisizathu sokuthi bangakhohlisi abalingani babo uma kuqhathaniswa nalabo abanamazinga aphezulu okuvuleka.

Abaphenyi baphinde bathola ukuthi abantu ababenonembeza omkhulu babika ukuthi benelisekile ngobudlelwano babo, bezizwa benecala, besaba ukuthi lokhu kuzokwenzeka kubo, futhi bazizwe benamahloni uma kutholakala njengezizathu ezibavimbela ekukopeleni, uma kuqhathaniswa nalabo ababephansi onembeza.

Ukuvumelana kuvumelana nobulili ukuze kuthi, lapho amazinga okuvumelana kwabahlanganyeli ephansi, awabesilisa, kepha hhayi abesifazane, izikolo zehle kubo bobabili "ngiyaneliseka ngobudlelwano bami" nokuzizwa benecala lokungakhohlisi, okusho ukuthi bebencane amathuba okuthi shono lokhu njengesizathu sokungakopeli. Ngamanye amagama, amazinga okuvumelana athinte abesilisa, kepha hhayi abesifazane, amaphuzu kulezi zizathu.

Izinzuzo nezindleko

Abaphenyi ngokulandelayo bahlanganisa izizathu eziyisishiyagalombili ezingenhla zaba izigaba zohlobo ezibanzi ezimele izinzuzo noma izindleko ezihambisana nokungakhohlisi noma ukukopela. Isigaba sezinzuzo esakhiwe ngokuthi "Ngiyaneliseka ngobudlelwano bami" futhi ngizizwa nginecala, kanti isigaba sezindleko sasiqukethe zonke ezinye izizathu.

Bathola umehluko phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane besigaba somhlomulo, abesifazane bebala izinzuzo zobudlelwano babo njengesizathu sokungakhohlisi kakhulu kunabesilisa. Kodwa-ke, bekungekho mehluko phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane besigaba sezindleko. Ngaphezu kwalokho, emkhakheni wezinzuzo, bathole ukuthi njengoba unembeza wehla, namadoda, kodwa hhayi abesifazane, amathuba okungaqhathi anciphile. Ngamanye amagama, unembeza ophansi uthinte amathuba okukhohlisa kwabesilisa, kodwa hhayi abesifazane.

Ucwaningo lwangaphambilini luvame ukuphakamisa ukuthi abantu mancane amathuba okuthi bangakhohlisi uma benobudlelwano obuhle futhi izindleko zokutholwa ziphakeme, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi bakhohlise uma bebudlelwano obubi lapho izindleko zokutholwa ziphansi. Kwabesilisa, ukukopela nokuhlangana nabesifazane abaningi kunikeza ithuba lokukhiqiza inzalo eningi ngesikhathi esithile, okuyinto engenzeki kubantu besifazane, futhi lokhu kungachaza kahle umehluko wobulili ekuzimiseleni ukukopela.

Umlayezo

Ngokufingqa, okutholwe kulolu cwaningo kusikisela ukuthi mancane amathuba okuthi bakhohlise ngabesifazane abanesazela esiphakeme futhi abavulelekile. Ngenkathi, labo okungenzeka ukuthi bakhohlise kungamadoda athola amaphuzu aphansi ngenxa kanembeza futhi aphumele obala.

Kodwa-ke, ezinye izinto ezinjengekhwalithi yobudlelwano, umongo, kanye namathuba ahlobene nezindleko zokutholwa nakho kudinga ukucatshangelwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isilinganiso seminyaka sababambe iqhaza kulolu cwaningo sasizungeze ama-33 futhi kungenzeka ukuthi ukuhlola amanye amaqembu eminyaka asebekade bebuhlobo isikhathi esihlukile, kungaveza imiphumela ehlukile. Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi okutholakele kunikeza ukuqonda okuthile ngokuthi ngubani ongaqili ukukopela ngokuya ngokuhlukahluka kobuntu, umthelela ohlobene nezinye izici nawo udinga ukucatshangelwa.

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