Izindlela ezi-3 Zokukutshela ukuthi Uyasaba Uthando
-Delile
Ngenkathi iningi lethu lithi sifuna uthando, cishe sonke sinokwesaba okuthile ngokusondelana. Uhlobo nobukhulu balokhu kwesaba kungahluka ngokuya ngomlando wethu womuntu siqu: amaphethini wokunamathisela esithuthukise wona kanye nokuzivikela kwengqondo esazakhela kona ukuzivikela ebuhlungwini bokuqala. Lezi zindlela zokuzivikela zivame ukusibambezela noma zilimaze impilo yethu yothando. Noma kunjalo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi siza ngokwesaba kwethu ngokuthembeka.
Ngoba okunamathiselwe kwethu ebuntwaneni kusebenza njengamamodeli wokuthi silindele kanjani ukuthi ubudlelwano busebenze ezimpilweni zethu zonke, ubunzima kulobu budlelwane bokuqala bungasenza sizizwe sivikela. Singacabanga ukuthi sifuna uthando nokuxhuma, kepha ezingeni elijule kakhulu, siyamelana nokuyekethisa ukuqapha kwethu ngokwesaba ukuvusa imizwa ebuhlungu endala. Njengobaba wami, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomlobi we Ukwesaba Ukusondelana URobert Firestone wabhala, "Abantu abaningi bayakwesaba ukusondelana kanti futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo bayesaba ukuba bodwa." Lokhu kungadala ukudideka okuningi, njengoba ukungafani komuntu kungadala ukusunduza kwangempela futhi kudonsele ekuziphatheni kwabo. Ngakho-ke, ungabona kanjani ukuthi ukwesaba kwakho ukusondelana kungena othandweni?
1. Izenzo Zakho Azihambisani Nezinhloso Zakho
Kwabanye abantu, ukukhathazeka kwabo ngobudlelwano kuyabonakala. Bangabona ngokuqaphela isazela sabo sokushiya ukuxhumana noma ukuzibophezela. Kwabanye, kungaba okucashile kakhulu. Bangazizwa sengathi bazama ukusondela lapho izenzo zabo ziholela kokuphambene nalokho. Ngenxa yalokhu kudideka, into yokuqala okufanele ucabange ngayo ukuthi kungakanani esikucabangayo ukuthi sikufunayo kuhambisana nokuziphatha kwethu.
Indlela esakha ngayo ibanga ebuhlotsheni yehlukile kithina sonke futhi imvamisa yaziswa kakhulu ngomlando wethu wokunamathiselwe. Umuntu onephethini lokunamathisela eligwema ukulahla angahle ahlukane nezidingo zomunye umuntu, ikakhulukazi umlingani othandana naye. Bajwayele ukuzimela mbumbulu, bazinakekele kodwa bakuthole kuyinselele ukuvumelana nomlingani wabo futhi bazizwe benozwela kulokho okufunwa nezidingo zomunye umuntu. Bangakugwema ukusondela kakhulu futhi bacasukele omunye umuntu ngokuya ngaye. Lapho umlingani wabo (evame ukungagwemeki) ezwakalisa ukukhungatheka ngokufuna okungaphezulu kubo, umuntu ogxiliwe angahle ahoxe kakhulu, azizwe edikibele "isidingo" somlingani wakhe.
Umuntu onephethini yokunamathisela exakekile angazizwa ehlukile, njengokuthi badinga ukunakwa ngophathina wabo. Bangase babe nokuthambekela kokuzizwa bengavikelekile ngokwengeziwe, bekhathazekile, bezingabaza, bephikisana, besola noma benomona ebudlelwaneni babo. Bangacabanga ukuthi bafuna ukusondelana kakhudlwana nomlingani wabo, kepha bangase bahlanganyele emikhubeni ebambelela kakhulu futhi elawulayo, esebenzela ukucindezela umlingani wabo kude.
Umuntu onephethini lokunamathisela eligwema ukwesaba kungenzeka abe nokwesaba kokubili mayelana nomlingani wakhe oza kubo nangokuthi umlingani wakhe usuke kubo. Lapho izinto zisondela kakhulu, kungenzeka bahlehle, kepha lapho bebona ukuthi umlingani wabo ukhukhuleka, bangaba nokunamathela kakhulu nokungazethembi.
Ukwazi umlando wethu wokunamathiselwe kungasinikeza ukuqonda okukhulu ngamaphethini ethu nokuqonda kokuziphatha kwethu. Kodwa-ke, njengoba sihlola ubudlelwano bethu ngesikhathi sangempela, kubalulekile ukubona izikhathi lapho izenzo zethu zingafani nomqondo wethu walokho esikufunayo. Ngabe sithi sifuna ukuhamba nozakwethu, bese sisebenzisa sonke isikhathi sethu ukuhlela kunokuphila okwamanje?
Ngabe sikhononda ngokungasitholi isikhathi sodwa, bese siphetha ocingweni lwethu sonke isikhathi esindawonye? Ngabe sithi sifuna ukuhlangana nomuntu kodwa size nezizathu zokuthi singathandani nawo wonke umuntu esihlangana naye? Ngabe sikholelwa ukuthi sifuna ukuba sengozini kepha sizithole senza okumba kancane kozakwethu? Ngabe sithi siyamthanda umuntu kodwa singaziniki isikhathi sokumbuza ngaye? Lezi zenzo eziphikisanayo empeleni zingaba yizimpawu zokuthi sesaba ukuba sengozini futhi sisondele kakhulu.
2. Usuhlambalaza Uzakwethu noma Ozakwethu Ongahle Abe nabo
Esinye sezikhalazo esivame kakhulu phakathi kwezithandani ngemuva kokuba bendawonye isikhashana ukuthi balahlekelwa yinhlansi noma bayeke ukuzizwa bejabule noma behehe omunye komunye. Okuningi kwalokhu kuhlobene nohlelo lwethu lokuvikela. Ukusondelana okungaphezulu kuzwakala kusongela ngokwengeziwe. Ngakho-ke, lapho izinto ziba zimbi ngokwengeziwe, siqala ukuphoqa ibanga ngokufaka imicabango emibi kakhulu nokubona komlingani wethu.
Ubudlelwano Obufundwayo Obubalulekile
Izizathu ezingama-23 Abantu Abashiya Ubudlelwano
Kudumile Namuhla
