Ungalwa Kanjani Nokukhathazeka Komphakathi: Buyisa Ukuziphatha Okuhle!

Uma unenkinga yokukhathazeka komphakathi, ungavumeli noma ngubani akuphoxe ukuthi ucabange ukuthi amahloni nje. Akunjalo. Ukuxilongwa okwaziwayo kwezempilo yengqondo okubonakala ngokwesaba okukhulu nokungakhululeki ezimweni zenhlalo, okuthinta abantu abadala abangaphezu kwezigidi eziyi-15 futhi kuphazamise ukusebenza kwansuku zonke. Ungesaba ukubhekwa noma ukwahlulelwa abanye, noma ukwenza amaphutha, noma ukuphoxeka. Ungahle ube nezimpawu zomzimba njengokujuluka, ukuthuthumela, ukushaya kwenhliziyo okusheshayo, nesicanucanu; lokhu kuvame ukuholela ekugwemeni ukuxhumana okubalulekile kwansuku zonke. Isizathu asikanqunywa: bukhona ubufakazi bezakhi zofuzo, yize imvelo idlala indima enamandla.

Angikhumbuli isikhathi empilweni yami lapho angizange ngilwe nokukhathazeka komphakathi. Ngenkathi ngisebangeni lesibili, uthisha wami wangimemela kwakhe ekhaya lesidlo sasemini futhi ngangivele ngethuke. Kuthiwani uma ngingakwazi ukudla ukudla akuphakile? Kwakudingeka izinto zilungiswe ngendlela ethile noma ngangethuka. Bengingafuni ukuba luhlaza, kepha bekungenzeka ngokuphelele ukuthi abe uhlobo lomuntu ongawafaka ukhukhamba kumasangweji enhlanzi yakhe ye-tuna. Kwakufanele ngibhekane kanjani nalokho?

Izikhathi zokuzijabulisa beziyimfihlakalo kimi: abantu ngokusobala bebezibandakanya ngokuzithandela. Kungani? Kungani bengazifaka kulokho? Umuntu wayengazi ukuthi yini angayilindela kunoma yimuphi umcimbi - abantu abangalindelekile. Ngangibuya emcimbini noma emdansweni noma epikinikini ngikhathele ngokuphelele ngumzamo wokwenza injabulo ngenkathi ngigcina intshiseko yami ngentshiseko. Wonke umuntu wayebonakala eyazi imithetho; Kumele ukuthi ngiphuthe kuleso sigaba seminal, ngicabanga, futhi bekuyihlazo kakhulu ukucela inkambo yokuvuselela manje.

Ngakho-ke kusesekuseni kakhulu, emzamweni wokukhombisa ukungahambisani nemikhuba yenhlalo wonke umuntu abonakala eyithatha kalula, ngaqala ukuqoqa izincwadi ngezindlela zokuziphatha: izindlela ezindala, eziphuzi mayelana nokuthi ungabhinca kanjani i-canapé kahle, noma ukuthi ungalifihla kanjani iduku lakho umkhono. Ngifunde ukuthi uma uluma ucezu lwe-gristle noma ithambo lenhlanzi, bekufanele "uthande kakhudlwana" —zonke izincwadi ezithi “kamnandi” —ususe inhlayiya ekhubekisayo emlonyeni wakho bese uyibeka ohlangothini lwepuleti lakho. Ulwazi olunjalo lwangiduduza ngokungapheli, futhi ngangivame ukufunda lezo zincwadi amahora amaningi, ngijabule ngokwazi ukuthi kuleli zwe elineziyaluyalu, ezinesiphithiphithi okungenani nganginamandla okomzuzwana nje.

Kepha njengoba ngikhula umphakathi osushintshile ushintshile, hhayi engikuthandayo. Ngama-70s bekufanele ukuvumele konke kuphume, uphonsa umhlangano emoyeni, bese uhamba nje nokugeleza. U-Emily Post akakaze ahambe nakanye nokugeleza. Ngangizizwa ngilahlekile futhi nginesikwele futhi ngiphelelwe yisikhathi, futhi ukukhathazeka kwami ​​ngokuzijabulisa kwakhula kakhulu ngokwedlulele. Bekufanele ngivele kanjani "ngayo" futhi ngikhululekile, ngenkathi ngiphatheke kabi kangaka? Akungithathanga isikhathi eside ukuthola impendulo: Iwayini leBoone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi ukukhathazeka kwami ​​kwakujule kakhulu, ngangihlala ngikwazi ukubeka utshwala obuphindwe kabili kunezintombi zami. Kwakungekho phansi ekumeni kwami ​​okungenamkhawulo. Ngandlela thile, kuyinto enhle ukuthi ngidakwe kakhulu, ngoba nginenkumbulo enamabala yalokho engikushilo noma engikwenzile. Ngiyazi ukuthi, ngokuzisola kwami ​​okukhulu, utshwala abuzange bungiphendule uNoel Coward. Akunjalo. Ngangiyinhlobo yobudlabha, isidakwa esinemizwa esilengisa kuwo wonke umuntu, ngibabaza ngithi “Ngiyakuthanda kakhulu.” Ngiyethuka uma ngicabanga ukuthi ngike ngaphuma obala kakhulu. Intombazane eyayingakwazi ukugcina ukhukhamba enhlanzini yayo ye-tuna yayinganaki kangako uhlobo lwamadoda eya nawo embhedeni wayo.

Manje njengoba sengineminyaka engaphezu kwengu-18 ngisangulukile, ukungcola kwalowo mpilo kuhlanzwe ngandlela thile. Ngigcina umcamelo wami kimi, futhi ngishesha kakhulu lapho ngiqhuma uthando. Ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo nakho kwenze izimanga — kungikhombisile ubuze bemicabango yami. Esikhundleni sokungena emaphutheni ami, abantu mhlawumbe abacabangi ngami, kepha ngokunye okunye ngokuphelele (imvamisa ngokwabo). Lokho kuhlakanipha kwehlise umphefumulo wami, kepha kufanele ngivume ukuthi akuhlali kungiduduza ngokwanele lapho ngikhathazeka ngedina elizayo. Ngalokho, ngidinga ukukhipha izincwadi zami, futhi ngibheke kabili ukuthi ngubani owaziswa kuqala kubani, nokuthi kufanele ngibeke kuphi ingilazi yami yamanzi, nokuthi ngingamazisa kanjani uweta ngobuhlakani.

Kepha imikhuba imane ingaphezulu nje kokwazi ukuthi zingaki izikhathi lapho kukhona imfoloko yesaladi. Imikhuba emihle isisiza ukuba sixoxe nabanye abantu. Basikisela ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani ngokomzimba. Zenza bushelelezi emaphethelweni amabi okuxhumana okusondele. Ngamafuphi, banciphisa ukungaqiniseki kokuzibandakanya komphakathi ngokusungula indlela ehloniphekile nelindelwe yokwenza izinto. Mhlawumbe lokhu kuzwakala kunesitayela futhi kusemthethweni kuwe. Ungase ukhononde ngokuthi kuthatha okusamanzi ekuxhumaneni nomphakathi. Kepha ngombono wami, lokho kuyinto enhle. Ngakho-ke kuthiwani uma sizibeka engozini yokuyekethisa ukuzenzekela? Ngokwazi kwami, ukuzenzela kungenye yezwi lokungaqiniseki. Futhi noma yini eyehlisa ukungaqiniseki nakanjani iyoba nethonya elizolisayo emithanjeni yami.

Ekujuleni kwawo, i-etiquette isuselwa ekucabangeni ngemizwa yomunye umuntu. Umthetho okuwukuphela kwawo odinga ukuwuthola yi-Golden Rule: yenza kwabanye njengoba ubungathanda benze kuwe. Noma, njengoba ikhophi yami yango-1938 yeManners for Moderns isho, “Isizotha ukwenza nokusho / Into enomusa kakhulu ngomusa.” Ukube bengizophuma ngiye kusasa emphakathini lapho wonke umuntu ethembise ukuhlonipha leyonkambiso, bengingaba nentshisekelo — cha, isihogo, ngingajabula — ukujwayelana nayo.