Ukuzikhohlisa Nokugwema: Kungani Senza Esikwenzayo?

-Delile

• Kwesinye isikhathi ukuzikhohlisa kungaba yindlela yokuvikela ukuzethemba kwakho okwesikhashana.
• Isizathu sokugwema
• Ukusetshenziswa kwayo ekuzethembeni
• Okufanele ngikwenze?

Kwesinye isikhathi ukuzikhohlisa kungaba yindlela yokuvikela ukuzethemba kwakho okwesikhashana.

Ukuqamba amanga kungenye yamakhono ethu aphakeme akhula ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Ngandlela thile, it isisiza sisinde ezimweni ezithile.

Ngakho-ke, ukuzikhohlisa kunemisebenzi emibili: kwasekuqaleni, kuvumela ukukhohlisa abanye ngendlela engcono (ngoba akekho umuntu oqamba amanga ongcono kunomuntu oziqambela amanga), okuwusizo kakhulu esikhathini lapho amandla okuxhumana nabanye (ubuhlakani bezenhlalo) buthole kuqala, kusetshenziswa ezimeni eziningi ukukhwabanisa njengethuluzi eliyisisekelo (bona noma yiliphi ibhizinisi). Lokho akusho ukuthi ukukhohlisa nokuqamba amanga kuyimiqondo emibili efanayo, kepha mhlawumbe lapho usayina inkontileka nenkampani akekho okutshela ukuthi "siyifuna ngempela imali yakho."

Ngokwesinye isandla, ukuzikhohlisa kuyindlela yokulondoloza ukuzethemba kwethu futhi kuhlobene nokugwema okuthile. Yebo, ukuzikhohlisa kuyindlela yokugwema. Futhi yini esiyigwemayo?

Isizathu sokugwema

Sigwema imizwa emibi ngezindlela zokudala ongazicabanga. Ngokwesibonelo, ngokuya ngemodeli yokugwema ngokungafani, ukukhathazeka, njengomnyombo wesifo sokukhathazeka okujwayelekile, kungagcwalisa umsebenzi wokugwema ukuvezwa "phansi", ekushintsheni ukusuka ekuzweleni komzwelo omuhle kuye ekuzweleni komuzwa ongemuhle (into efana nokuthi "ngoba izinkinga ziyingxenye engenakugwemeka yempilo, uma ngikhathazekile lapho konke kuhamba kahle, ngilungele lapho izinto zingahambi kahle). Ngamafuphi, kuyindlela yokucindezela ngokomzwelo.

Ukukhathazeka futhi kunciphisa ukungakhululeki kokuba khona kwenkinga, njengoba kungumzamo wokuyixazulula ngokuqonda. Njengoba ngikhathazeka ngenkinga, ngizwa sengathi ngenza "okuthile" ukuyixazulula, noma ngabe ingayixazululi empeleni, ngaleyo ndlela nginciphise ukungakhululeki kwami ​​ngokungabhekani nenkinga. I-Hypochondria, ngakolunye uhlangothi, iyindlela yokufihla isici se-egocentric (isiguli sigxile kuye uqobo ukuthi sikholelwa ukuthi konke kwenzeka kuye). Ngokwezinto eziphilayo lokhu kusho ukuthi ubuchopho bethu buvilapha.

Ukuzikhohlisa kuyisiqeshana esizibekele sona ngokuziphendukela kwemvelo ngokungakwazi ukusenza sihlakaniphe noma sikwazi ukubhekana nezidingo ezithile zangaphandle. Noma kunalokho, kungenxa yokwehluleka kohlobo lwesintu ukuguquka futhi shintsha ngejubane elifanayo nezwe esiphila kulo.

Isibonelo, igama likaFestinger elithi dissonance cognitive lisikisela ukungakhululeki okubangelwa ukungahambelani phakathi kwamanani ethu nezenzo zethu. Kulokhu sisebenzisa inkohliso yokuzichaza ngezenzo zethu.

Ukuhleleka kungenye indlela yokuzikhohlisa lapho sinikeza incazelo ebonakala inengqondo ngesenzo esedlule lokho akunjalo noma lokho bekungenasizathu esihle sokwenza kanjalo.

Ukusetshenziswa kwayo ekuzethembeni

Ake sichaze lokhu: ukuzethemba noma ukulinganisela esikwenza ngathi ngokuya ngokuthi sinjani, senzani nokuthi kungani sikwenza, kuveza ukungakhululeki uma kukubi.

Ukungakhululeki imizwa eguquguqukayo enomsebenzi wayo ukucabanga kabusha okungalungile empilweni yethu ukukuguqula. Kodwa-ke, ubuchopho bethu, obuhlakaniphe kakhulu futhi obumelana nokushintshwa, buthi “kungani sizoshintsha izinto ezincane empilweni yethu, sibhekane neqiniso elisilimazayo noma elisethusayo, sizibeke engcupheni njengokuyeka umsebenzi, sikhulume nomuntu othize isihloko esingakhululeki neze, njll, lapho esikhundleni salokho singakucabanga kabusha lokhu bese sizitshela ukuthi silungile bese sigwema ukuhlupheka, sigweme izimo ezizosenza singakhululeki ngokwengeziwe, sigweme ukwesaba… ”.

Ukuzikhohlisa nokugwema kuyizindlela zokunciphisa ukusetshenziswa kwamandla ukuthi ubuchopho kufanele busetshenziselwe ukuguqula ukuxhumana, okuhunyushelwe ekuziphatheni, ezimweni zengqondo nasezinkambisweni (i-substrate yayo ye-neurobiological eyokuxhumana okuningi okulinganayo nokuzinzile ebuchosheni bethu). Ngamagama engqondo, kusho ukuthi isimilo sethu kanye nokusebenza kwethu kwengqondo kunesitayela somuntu siqu futhi esingaguquguquki ukubhekana nezimo zemvelo esingazilungiselele.

Iningi lezinto esizisebenzisayo ukucabanga ukuthi zijwayele ukudala ukucwasa noma amaphutha futhi zihloselwe ukugcina ukuzethemba kwethu. Kuthiwa abantu abacindezelekile bavame ukuba namaqiniso njengoba ukucubungula kwabo kungagxilile ekulondolozeni ukuzihlola okuhle. Eqinisweni, ngenxa yalesi sizathu ukucindezeleka kuyathathelana: inkulumo yomuntu ocindezelekile iyafana kangangokuba abantu ababazungezile bangayifaka ngaphakathi kuyo. Kepha iziguli ezinengcindezi futhi aziphunyuki kwezinye izinhlobo zokuzikhohlisa, ukugwema okuncane kakhulu.

Njengoba uKahneman asho, abantu bathambekele ekuqhakambiseni ukubaluleka kwethu futhi bayibukele phansi indima yemicimbi. Iqiniso ukuthi iqiniso liyinkimbinkimbi kangangokuba asisoze sazi ngokugcwele ukuthi kungani senza lokho esikwenzayo. Izizathu esingazikholelwa, uma kungewona umkhiqizo wokuzikhohlisa nokugwema, ziyingxenye encane yezici, imisebenzi nezimbangela ezahlukahlukene esingazibona.

Ngokwesibonelo, ukuphazamiseka kobuntu kuyi-egosyntonic, okungukuthi, izici azibangeli ukungaphatheki kahle esigulini, ngakho-ke ubheka ukuthi izinkinga anazo zibangelwa izimo ezithile zempilo yakhe hhayi ubuntu bakhe. Yize izici zokuhlola noma yikuphi ukuphazamiseka zibonakala zicace bha kwi-DSM, eziningi zazo akulula ukuzibona engxoxweni. Umuntu onenkinga ye-narcissistic akazi ukuthi konke akwenzayo kuhlose ukukhulisa ukuzikhukhumeza kwakhe, njengoba nomuntu ophanjaniswayo engacabangi ngezinga lakhe lokuqapha.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

Imiqondo eminingi kwi-psychology ingaxhunywa ekuzikhohliseni noma ekugwemeni. Into ejwayelekile kakhulu kunoma yikuphi ukubonisana ngokwengqondo ukuthi iziguli zenza izindlela zokugwema abazikhohlisa ngazo ukuze zingacabangi ukuthi ziyavika. Ngakho-ke inkinga iqhutshwa ngokuqiniswa okungalungile okunamandla.

Ngenxa yalokho, kuyadingeka ukuthi sichaze ubuntu bethu obuhle futhi sihlolisise leyo ncazelo ngokunengqondo, sithole ukuthi yiziphi izinto ezilawulwayo nezishintshayo, nokuthi yini ezingekho. Kwangaphambili kuyadingeka ukuphakamisa izixazululo ezingokoqobo. Ngokuphathelene nalezi zamuva, kubalulekile ukubamukela futhi ushiye ukubaluleka kwabo. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kuhlaziywa kudinga ukuyeka ukugwema nokuzikhohlisa.