Ukukhetha ku-Consensual Non-Monogamy

I-Polyamory nezinye izinhlobo zokuvumelana okungavunyelwa ukuba ngumfazi oyedwa (i-CNM), ezingeni eliyisisekelo, ngokukhetha. Ngoba zimbalwa izibonelo zesikhathi samanje nabantu abambalwa abakhulele emakhaya e-CNM, iningi labantu abangena ebudlelwaneni be-CNM kumele libakhethe ngokuzimisela. Ngamanye amagama, kunzima ukwenza impilo ejwayelekile kumshayeli wendiza othomathikhi bese ugcina ubambisene ne-polyamorous. Esikhundleni salokho, abantu ababambe iqhaza esifundweni sami seminyaka engama-20 + semindeni ene-polyamorous enezingane, nalabo engibabonile emiphakathini ejwayelekile ye-polyamorous e-United States, bakhetha ukuzibandakanya ne-CNM.

Kusho Ukuvuma

Kwabesifazane abaningi (nabanye abaningi bobulili nobuncane bobulili), umqondo wokuzikhethela ngokuyisisekelo uyimvume. Uma othile engakwazi ukuthi cha, u-yebo wakhe akayona inketho. Ngokweqile, ngombono nokwenza phakathi kwabantu be-CNM, imvume yangempela isungulwe ekucabangeni okungokoqobo - okungalawulwa - kwazo zonke izinketho. Kungumkhuba ovamile phakathi kwemiphakathi eminingi ukuthi amadoda athile athandana nabesilisa nabesifazane abafuna ukulala nabesifazane ababili ngasikhathi sinye bangabheja abalingani babo besifazane ekuzameni i-polyamory, futhi abesifazane bazame bekhononda, ngoba izindleko zokuthi cha ziphakeme kakhulu endaweni yabo. Emininingwaneni yami yocwaningo kanye nesipiliyoni sami siqu, labo budlelwano obungeyona imvumelwano ngokweqiniso buvame ukuzilimaza ngokwabo ngokumangazayo.

Yize imindeni eminingi yesithembu ivumelana ngokuthi abesifazane abadala banakho ukukhetha futhi ngenkuthalo bafuna umyeni owabiwe, omunye umehluko omkhulu phakathi komshado we-polyamory nowokungavumelani phakathi kwamantombazane amancane namadoda amadala (njengomholi we-FLDS uWarren Jeffs) yilokho omunye umuntu wenza amalungiselelo omshado wamantombazane, abese beziswa (kungakhulunywa nabo) ngesiphetho sabo. Imvamisa, la mantombazane aphila izimpilo ezihlukanisiwe kumakhompiyutha futhi awanakho ukufinyelela emfundweni noma emhlabeni wonkana. Ngokuphikisana okukhulu, abesifazane abasebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous (okungenani labo ababambe iqhaza ocwaningweni) bavame ukuba namazinga aphezulu emfundo, amandla okuzuza nokulawula imali yabo, namandla okwenza izinqumo ezimpilweni zabo.

Ukuzimela

Ngaphandle kwendaba esobala yemvume ekukhetheni, into engakhanyi kangako yokuzibophezela nayo ibalulekile kubantu abasebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous. Ukuzibophezela kuza kuphela lapho abantu bebheka abakufunayo futhi ekugcineni bakhethe i-polyamory, kepha nokuthi babuphatha kanjani ubudlelwano babo. Isibonelo, kubhulogi edlule, ngabhala ukuthi abantu abanesizotha ngokuvamile abazami ukweba abalingani babanye abantu ngezizathu ezahlukahlukene. Umfundi uphendule ngemfashini yangempela yomphakathi ukuthi uzakwethu "angabiwa" kuphela uma bekuvumela. Ngamanye amagama, wonke umuntu unesibopho sokugcina ebuhlotsheni babo - oyedwa, isithembu, noma okunye. Ukwenza ukukhetha nokuphila nemiphumela kuyingxenye yokuzibophezela, noma kwesinye isikhathi kuyabheda lapho imiphumela ingathandeki neze. Ngisho noma lokho kwenzeka, imvamisa abantu ebudlelwaneni besithembu bayaqhubeka futhi bazame ukufunda ebunzimeni babo besikhathi esidlule futhi bathole izindlela ezintsha zokwenza izinqumo zomuntu siqu eziphumelelayo.

Ukuthembela Kokubili

Noma i-polyamory (njengobudlelwano obuningi) isekelwe ekukhetheni komuntu siqu nasekuzibophezeleni, akusho ukuthi abantu abaningi bahlala endaweni lapho benza khona izinqumo ezizimele ngokuphelele. Esikhundleni salokho, lobu budlelwano busekelwe ekwethembaneni, futhi izinqumo ezenziwa umlingani oyedwa zingathinta yonke i-polycule yabo yonke. Ukukhetha ukulinganisela nesibopho somuntu siqu kanye nokuthembela kokunye kungaba umsebenzi onzima kakhulu, noma kubudlelwano nabalingani ababili kuphela, futhi kungathatha izinga elisha lonke lokuxaka lapho ozakwethu abathathu noma ngaphezulu bengena kulo mxube. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma abalingani banezidingo nezimfuno eziphikisanayo noma eziphikisanayo. Ngaleso sizathu nangezinye izizathu, abantu abanesizotha bathembela ekuxhumaneni okuningiliziwe nokwethembeka ukuzulazula ezinhlelweni ezingakhohlisa zokuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo nezomunye nomunye, ngenkathi bethatha umthwalo wokuzikhethela kwabo.

Ubudlelwano Bomklami

Kunezindlela eziningi ezahlukahlukene zokwakha ubudlelwano, ezinye ezinamazinga aphakeme kakhulu wokuthembana futhi ezinye zinokuzimela okuningi. Encwadini yabo efinyeleleka ngokujabulisayo nengahluleli Ubudlelwano Bomklami , UPatricia Johnson noMark Michaels bethula uhla lwezinketho, kusuka kumuntu oyedwa ojabulayo kuya kubuhlobo obuhle be-polyamory nobuhle obuvulekile. UJohnson noMichaels bagcizelela ukusetshenziswa kokucabangela ngenkuthalo izinketho eziningi - esikhundleni sokwamukela ngokungacabangi imithetho yobudlelwano obujwayelekile - njengendlela yokukhuthaza ukuguquguquka nenjabulo.Ukucatshangelwa okunjalo kuvumela nobudlelwano ukuthi bushintshe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

USheff, E. (2014). AbakwaPolyamorist Next Door. ILanham, MD: URowman naseLittlefield.

USheff, E. (2005). "Abesifazane Abaqinile, Ukuzithoba Ngokobulili, namandla," The Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, Umq. 34, Issue 3, amakhasi. 251-283.

UGoldfeder, M., & Sheff, E. “Izingane Emindenini Enezinto Eziningi: Ukubukeka Kokuqala Kwezobukhosi,” I-Journal of Law and Social Deviance. Umqulu 5, amakhasi 150 - 243.

http://www.lsd-journal.net/archives/Volume5/ChildrenOfPolyamorousFamilies.pdf