Ubuntwana Obuyingozi? Ukuzivocavoca Okungu-5 Kokuphilisa Umphefumulo

Emashumini amabili edlule, ngigxile ebuhlotsheni bomama nendodakazi kukho konke ukuphindaphinda kepha ngigxile kakhulu ekulimaleni okwenziwe endodakazini lapho umama engenaluthando, ekude ngokomzwelo, ezinakekela yena yedwa, ezilawulayo. ukuhlambalaza, noma ukucasula. Uma uthi nhlá, lo msebenzi ubukeka wehluke kakhulu ezincwadini ezingokomoya engizibhale ngaphambilini kodwa empeleni kahlukile njengoba ubungacabanga.

Iningi lalawa madodakazi avela ebuntwaneni enezici ezindaweni; banenkinga yokuphatha nokukhomba imizwa yabo futhi, ngenkathi beswele ngokomzwelo, bathambekele ekukhetheni ophathina nabangane ababaphatha njengoba kwenza omama babo noma, kungenjalo, bazixhomeke ekuxhumaneni okuseduze. (Lezi zimo zikhombisa izitayela ezahlukahlukene zokunamathiselwa, ukukhathazeka-ukukhathazeka, ukugwema ukwesaba, nokugwema ukuxosha.) Banobunzima bokubona uhlobo lwemingcele evumela ubudlelwano ukuba bukhule futhi bukhule; abanakho ukuzizwa ngokweqiniso. Lezi yizinkinga ezingokwengqondo ezidinga ukuqashelwa kwamaphethini nokuziphatha okungazi lutho bese kuba ngumzamo ohlangene wokuqeda izindlela zakudala zokuphendula nokuziphatha. Ekugcineni, ukululama kufezwa ngokufunda izindlela ezintsha zokuziphatha. Uhambo olude njengoba ngichaza encwadini yami, Indodakazi Detox.

Futhi ngenkathi umsebenzi ungowengqondo kakhulu, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi igama elithi "psychology" lisuselwa kumagama esiGreki ingqondo (umphefumulo noma umoya) kanye ama-logo (igama noma isizathu). Angiyena umelaphi noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kodwa ngithole le mibono engokomoya iwusizo njengabanye. Omunye umsebenzi womphefumulo ungasekela futhi usize inqubo yokuphulukiswa, futhi okulandelayo iziphakamiso zokuzivocavoca ongafuna ukukufaka ekululameni kwakho.

Ukuzivocavoca okungu-5 komoya okushelelayo

• Nika iziqinisekiso zakho bese ubuza imibuzo esikhundleni salokho

Ngiyazi ukuthi iziqinisekiso zingaduma futhi zithobise kanjani kepha ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ababuqali ubuchopho ngendlela umbuzo owenza ngayo. Ungama phambi kwesibuko, uphinda ukuthi "Ngizozithanda futhi ngizamukele namhlanje," futhi akukho okuningi okuzokwenzeka. Kepha uma uzibuza lo mbuzo- “Ngabe ngizothanda futhi ngizamukele namhlanje? -Ubuchopho bakho buzoqala ukufuna izimpendulo ezingaba khona kulokho wena can yenza ukuthanda nokuzamukela. Ngabe ukuzamukela kusho ukuvala ukusetha kwakho okuzenzakalelayo kokuzibeka icala amahora ayisithupha noma mhlawumbe usuku? Ngabe kusho ukuzithengela izimbali njengokwelashwa? Ngabe kusho uku-oda ukuze ukwazi ukuphumula esikhundleni sokupheka? Mhlawumbe kusho ukuzinika imvume yokungazizwa unecala ngakho konke ongakwenzanga.

Ingxenye yokuphulukiswa ukuthola ukuthi ungazizwa kanjani ukuzamukela nothando ngakho-ke zama okungaphezu kokukodwa.

• Dala isitsha sesibusiso

Kulula impela ukuzizwa uhudulelwa phansi yiwo wonke umsebenzi wangaphakathi futhi, kwesinye isikhathi, uhambo luzizwa lungapheli. (Uh-huh. Yindala, “Ngabe sesikhona?” Ngaphandle kokuthi awukho emotweni yabazali bakho.) Yize kuliqiniso ukuthi ukudlala iPollyanna nokucabanga nje imicabango emihle 24/7 ngeke kukuqhubele phambili futhi usebenze ekwelapheni kwakho, kuyazuzisa noma kunjalo ukukhumbula zonke izinto ezinhle oziletha etafuleni nabo bonke abantu namathuba impilo yakho ekunika wona. Izibusiso ziza ngobukhulu bonke, kusukela kwabancane kuya kwabashintsha umdlalo, ngemuva kwakho konke.

Nsuku zonke, bhala into ozoyibeka njengesibusiso ephepheni elincane, uligoqe bese ulibeka esitsheni. (Imayini ingilazi, futhi ngisebenzisa iphepha elinombala ngakho-ke libukeka lihle.) Isibusiso singaba yinoma yini ngokungabikho kwento ecasulayo (isitimela safika ngesikhathi, kwakungekho siminyaminya), ushintsho oluhle noma umzuzu (ukuncoma okutholile okuvela kumphathi wakho, inothi elimnandi elikubhalelwe yingane yakho, lihlala endaweni yokunyathela imizuzu engu-10 ngaphezulu) noma umzuzwana okhuthaze imimoya yakho noma wakwenza wajabula (umngani ungene ngokungalindelekile, wenza izinhlelo zokwenza okuthile okujabulisayo, wena kanye umlingani usebenze ngenkinga). Kwenze inyanga bese kuthi ngosuku lokugcina lwenyanga, uphinde ufunde konke okubhalile.

Ungaqala futhi isitsha sesibusiso lapho ulindele umzuzu ocindezelayo empilweni oyodinga ukuthola usizo lokudlula kuwo. (Lokhu yinto engiphakamisa ukuthi ngiyenze ngaphambi koSuku Lomama, isibonelo, noma ukuhlangana komndeni okusondelayo.)

• Yiba yinsimu yomoya

Akusithi sonke esivandeni noma sinengadi noma ithala lokutshala kepha sonke singakwazi ukungena endlini. Ngiyakholelwa kakhulu ekutheni ngizungezwe izinto eziphilayo njengezitshalo. Isitshalo sisisiza ekuqiniseni umqondo wokuzinakekela nokuzondla, futhi sisivumele sizibone njengabalimi abanekhono langaphakathi lethu. Uma ungumsizi wensimu, vele weqe le ngxenye kepha uma ungumuntu omusha, hlala nami.

Ungathenga i-pathos noma i-philodendron futhi ufunde ukubekezela ngokulinda ukukhula (yize kukuphikisa ukufa futhi kukubekezelela ukuhlukunyezwa) noma ungenza i-fav yami, ubhatata. Yebo: Wena, ubhatata, nesitsha samanzi ningenza imilingo ndawonye. Sebenzisa ubhatata ophilayo, unamathisele amazinyo amane kuwo, futhi umise ukuphela kwawo okunamandla emanzini. Ngicela uyibeke efasiteleni elibalele, noma unikeze ukukhanya okuningi onakho. Yebo, izokhula izimpande bese kuthi, voila! Umvini uzoqala!

Into esemqoka: Ufunda ukunakekela futhi uqinisa ukholo lwakho kuguquko.

• Bheka kahle ingane owawuyiyona

Lokhu kungukuzivocavoca engikwenze nabafundi ekhasini lami le-Facebook futhi imiphumela ibimangalisa futhi ijabulisa inhliziyo. Enye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu ukwelulama ukuqaqa isikhundla esizenzakalelayo sokuzigxeka, nokuvala ikhasethi ekhanda lakho uphendula lokho okwashiwo ngawe emndenini wakho odabuka kuwo (ukuthi ubuvilapha noma uyisilima, uzwela kakhulu, ungaphansi kuka, noma yini enye). Thola isithombe sakho useyingane bese usibuka ngendlela umuntu ongamazi ngayo. Uyambona umuntu obonwe ngamanye amalungu omndeni? Ubonani futhi ucabangani ngale ntombazanyana? Khuluma nentombazanyana uzwelane nokudabuka nesizungu sayo. Abafundi abaningi babika ukuthi bachitha isikhathi esiningi nezithombe zabo.

• Dala isiko lokuyeka

Ngokuphikisana, umsebenzi omningi wokuphulukisa uhilela ukudedela imithwalo yakudala ebesingazi nokuthi siyiphethe. Lezi zikhwama zigcwele izindlela zokuziphatha ezisikhubekisa ekutholeni esikufunayo, imizwa esigcina sinamathele futhi sikhanye, kanye nokwehluleka ukuzibona kahle. Singaqhubeka ebudlelwaneni esaziyo ukuthi busenza singathokozi, kufaka phakathi labo nomama bethu noma ezinye izihlobo, ngoba ukuba nethemba nokwenqaba kusigcina sibambelele esibondeni somkhumbi ohlale ugadla phansi. Okwenza ukudedela kube nzima kakhulu akuyona nje inkambiso esitshela ukuthi ukubekezela kuyisihluthulelo sempumelelo nokuhlangabezana nezinhloso zakho kepha nokuthi abantu bayazigcina kakhulu futhi bakhetha ukuhlala bemi esikhundleni sokuqhubekela phambili nekusasa elingaziwa, noma ngabe kubi.

Ukufunda ukudedela kuyinto enkulu, futhi kuhlala kufaka ukulahleka njengoba kuthembisa inqubekela phambili. Kuyakuzuzisa uma ufaka ngenkuthalo amasiko athile wokugubha ukunqoba okuncane kanye nokulahlekelwa, njengoba izifundo eziningi zibonisa.

Ayikho incwadi yemithetho futhi ngokuqinisekile ungazenzela amasiko akho kepha nginikela ngalokho engikuthole kungisebenzele mina nabanye.

• Kubhala

Ungabhala incwadi yokuphuma ubhalele umuntu noma isimilo osishiya ngemuva; lokhu kukunikeza ithuba lokubhala phansi ukuthi kungani uthatha lesi sinqumo futhi kuzokusiza ukucacisa imicabango nemizwa yakho. Akunasidingo sokuyithumela; empeleni, uma kungumuntu obhalela yena, ukumthumela empeleni kuncenga impendulo futhi lokho akukhona ukushiya noma ukukuyeka. Amadodakazi amaningi angathandeki abhalela omama babo izincwadi ezihlala zingathunyelwe futhi kwesinye isikhathi bavele bazishise. Iphuzu ukubhala. (Kunobufakazi obuningi bokuthi ukubhala nokubhala kuyaphulukisa; uma ufuna ukwazi, bona umsebenzi kaJames Pennebaker.)

• Amasiko omlilo

Abanye abantu bakuthola kuphumelela kakhulu ukubhala phansi lokho abakuyekelayo esiqeshini sephepha bese belishisa iphepha esitsheni esingenamlilo noma eziko; umfundi oyedwa washisa izithombe okwathi kuye, zaziyizimpawu zezikhathi empilweni yakhe lapho ezilahla khona. Amakhandlela okukhanyisa nawo angaba yindlela yokukhanyisa ngokoqobo isikhala sakho nombono wakho ngokwakho.

• Amasiko amanzi

Kusukela ezikhathini zasendulo, amanzi abesetshenziswa ngokwesiko ukuhlanza kokubili ngokomfanekiso nangokoqobo futhi, yebo, ungakwazi "ukugeza izandla" zemicabango nemizwa. (Enye insipho ye-lavender iyasiza, ngasendleleni.) Okunye ukuzivocavoca kuhilela ukweqa noma ukuphonsa amatshe noma amatshe amatshe (noma ukuzama ukweqa, kimi) echibini noma emanzini, ukuvumela noma yini oyidingayo ngetshe uqobo lwalo.

Iphuzu elikhudlwana mayelana nesiko ukuthi lisivumela ukuthi senze izenzo ezingokomfanekiso futhi, kwesinye isikhathi, lokho kufanekiswa yilokho kanye esikudingayo ukukuyeka.

Imibono kulokhu okuthunyelwe ithathwe ezincwadini zami, ikakhulukazi Indodakazi Detox: Ukululama Kumama Ongathandani Nokubuyisa Impilo Yakho futhi Incwadi Yokusebenzela I-Daughter Detox Companion.

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