Ngabe Imishado Engalingani Neminyaka Yesikhathi Imile Esivivinyweni Sesikhathi?

-Delile

• Zishintsha Kanjani Izithandani Zobudala Bokuhamba Kweminyaka
• Ukubikezela Komphakathi Kuthinta Kanjani Impumelelo Yobudlelwano
• Eminye Imishado Izokuma Isikhathi

• Bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane babika ukuthi ekuqaleni babeneliseka kakhulu emshadweni wabo lapho abashade nabo besebancane, imibiko yocwaningo.
• Yize imibhangqwana enegebe leminyaka yaqala yaneliseka ngokwedlulele, noma kunjalo, ukwaneliseka kwabo kwakuvame ukwehla kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kunemibhangqwana eyayilingana ngeminyaka.
• Imiphumela yokuqongelelwa kwesahlulelo senhlalo evame ukutholwa yimibhangqwana yeminyaka yobudala, kuhlangene nezinselele zempilo ezingase zehlele oshade naye osekhulile, kungasiza kulokhu kwehla.

Iningi lethu liyazi imibhangqwana ejabule ngokujabula izalwe amashumi eminyaka ahlukene. Kungakhathalekile ukuthi yimuphi umlingani osekhulile, kubonakala sengathi bafaniswa kahle ngazo zonke izindlela. Yize kuyiqiniso ukuthi abantu banomkhuba wokwahlulela kusengaphambili ukuthandana kwezikhala, kunobufakazi bokuthi abanye besifazane abasebasha bamane bakhetha amadoda amadala, futhi nabesilisa abaningi bathanda nabesifazane asebekhulile. Kepha kungakhathalekile ukuthi yimuphi umlingani osekhulile, ngabe lokhu kumataniswa kuzokuma isikhathi? Ucwaningo lunezimpendulo ezithile.

Zishintsha Kanjani Izithandani Zobudala Bokuhamba Kweminyaka

UWang-Sheng Lee noTerra McKinnish (2018) baphenye ukuthi izikhala zeminyaka zikuthinta kanjani ukwaneliseka phakathi nesikhathi somshado. [I] Mayelana nesifiso esifanayo "sokushada phansi" ngokweminyaka, kusampula lase-Australia abalifundile, bathole ukuthi amadoda ayevame ukwaneliseka ngamakhosikazi asemancane, kanti nabesifazane babeneliseka ngokwengeziwe ngabayeni abasebasha. Bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane babevame ukunganeliseki kakhulu ngabashadile abadala.

Ngokuphathelene namazinga okugcwaliseka phakathi nomshado, u-Lee noMcKinnish bathole ukuthi ukwaneliseka emshadweni kwehle kakhulu kubo bobabili ubulili emibhangqwaneni yobudala, uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana yobudala efanayo. Lokhu kwehla kuvame ukusula amazinga okwaneliseka emshadweni akhuliswe ngabesilisa nabesifazane abashade nabashadikazi abasebasha kungakapheli iminyaka eyisi-6 kuya kwengu-10 beshadile.

Bayakuvuma lokho abakutholile akuhambisani nocwaningo ngokuhlelwa kwemishado nezikhala zeminyaka, kanye nedatha yokufunda nge-inthanethi neyesivinini- ekhombisa ukuthanda abalingani abalinganayo. Bexoxa ngezizathu ezingaba khona zokungahambelani, uLee noMcKinnish bavuma iqhaza lelo qhinga namathuba okuphumelela kwezobudlelwano, phakathi kwezinye izinto, adlala esinqumweni sokuthi ngubani ozoqoma.

Ngokuqondile, bayaqaphela ukuthi idatha ephakamisa ukuthi bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane bakhetha abalingani abalinganayo ngokulingana ukuhumusha okuvumelekile kuphela uma abodwa abawanaki amathuba okuphumelela kwezobudlelwano. Ngoba abesilisa ekuqaleni bathola ukwaneliseka okuphezulu emshadweni nabafazi abasebancane, kepha abesifazane bathola ukwaneliseka okuncane ngabayeni asebekhulile, lokhu kuphakamisa ukuthi empeleni amadoda angathanda ukulandela abesifazane abasebasha - kepha ukwesaba ukwehluleka (okungukuthi, ukudumaza ozobabeletha) kubenza bakholelwe ukuthi bazokwenza kuphela uphumelele “nabalingani abancane abasezingeni eliphansi.” Bayabona ukuthi ukucabanga okufanayo kungachaza ukungabaza kwabesifazane ukulandela izinsuku nezinsizwa.

Yini engachaza ukwehla kokwaneliseka emshadweni eminyakeni edlule? U-Lee noMcKinnish bacabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe imibhangqwana yeminyaka yobudala ayikwazi ukubhekana nokushaqeka komnotho okubi uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana yobudala efanayo. Kepha kungenzeka yini ukuthi nabo bangakwazi ukubhekana nesimo sengqondo esibi sabanye?

Ukubikezela Komphakathi Kuthinta Kanjani Impumelelo Yobudlelwano

Eminye imibhangqwana engafani nobudala iyaziqhenya ngokubukeka abakutholayo namazwana abezwa emphakathini. Abantu abathandanayo noma abasanda kushada abashadikazi abasebasha bavame ukuxwayiswa ukuthi ubudlelwano babo ngeke buhlale. Kungani engenathemba kangaka? Izeluleko zobudlelwano ezingamukeleki, ezingacelwanga zivame ukuqhamuka kwimininingwane ekhiqizwe ngokwesayensi nangokwe-anecdotally.

I-athikili ku- I-Atlantic enesihloko esithi “Ukuze Ube Nomshado Ohlala Njalo, Zama Ukushada Nomuntu Okulingana Nawe,” [ii] ngenkathi ebheka kahle ukuthi “Izibalo, empeleni, azikona ukudalelwa,” kucashunwe ucwaningo oluthi imibhangqwana eyayineminyaka emihlanu ubudala ngeminyaka yayingamaphesenti ayi-18 maningi amathuba okuthi ahlukane, futhi lapho umehluko weminyaka bekuyiminyaka eyi-10, amathuba akhuphukela kumaphesenti angama-39.

Imibhangqwana eminingi yeminyaka yobudala iphikisana ngokuqinile nezibikezelo ezingezinhle futhi iyaziphikisa izibalo. Abantu abaningi bayazi imibhangqwana engalingani yobudala eye yajabulela umshado omuhle amashumi eminyaka. Kepha njengodaba olusebenzayo, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi empilweni, umlingani osekhulile kungenzeka abhekane nezinselelo ezihlobene nempilo ngaphambi komlingani osemncane — okungaba yingcindezi kubo bobabili. Ngokusobala, imibhangqwana enjalo iyazi ukuthi lolu suku luzofika, kodwa isimo sezulu kule sizini ngokuhlukile. Ukuhlangenwe nakho nemibhangqwana ngalesi sikhathi sempilo kungathinta indlela esibuka ngayo lokhu kubhanqwa.

Eminye Imishado Izokuma Isikhathi

Imibhangqwana eminingi ejabule eshadile ehlukaniswe igebe leminyaka yobudala ikhumbuza abangane nemindeni ebenezinhloso ezinhle ukuthi bafunga ukuthi bazobathanda futhi babazise abalingani babo “size sihlukaniswe ukufa.” Amalungu enethiwekhi yokuxhumana nabantu enempilo ezungeze leyo mibhangqwana ehlakaniphile ngokunikeza ukwesekwa — ngaphandle kokugxekwa.

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